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Paddy’s fingers:
Paddy was working at the fish plant in Cork when he accidentally
cut off all 10 of his fingers.
He went to the emergency room in Cork ‘s hospital.
The doctor looked at Paddy and said, ‘Lets be avin’ DA fingers and I’ll ?see what OI can do’.
Paddy said,
‘Oi haven’t got DA fingers.’
‘Whadda ya mean you haven’t got DA fingers?
HOLY MOSES Paddy!!!!!..... it’s 2018!
We’s got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques.
I could have put dem back on and made you like new!
Why didn’t ya bring DA fingers?!?’
And Paddy said,
‘How DA hell was I ‘spose to pick them up’!
You know what happens when you mix human DNA and animal DNA ?
They throw you out of the petting zoo.
“The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content. “
A classic, and in my case very true.
As I was about to leave, I realized that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break, so I drank all the Scotch before leaving the store.
It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell seven times before I got home.
Make sure your Viagra is stamped ‘Made in America’ because you don’t want Russia meddling in your erections.