Posted on 05/31/2018 10:06:14 PM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
We all need more freedom to openly discuss—and engage in—sex. Instead, we all too often pounce on provocative opinions and hem in what is deemed "acceptable" bounds of debate. This is a shame.
Consider the rhetorical maelstrom created when George Mason University economist Robin Hanson recently suggested that the Toronto attack— in which a self-described incel (an involuntary celibate) mowed down 10 pedestrians — shows that we should worry not just about income inequality, but also the sexual inequality that is leaving too many men sexually frustrated. Hanson, whose blog Overcoming Bias is dedicated to raising uncomfortable questions that cut against ingrained thinking, mused that "cultural elites" might consider "redistribution" schemes that could help incels get a fair share of the action.
This was a provocative suggestion, no doubt. But Hanson wasn't really serious about it. He is a libertarian, after all, so talk of "redistribution" was more in the vein of a thought experiment. Still, many people were understandably offended by even the hint of a suggestion that men are "owed" sex, or that this particular man was somehow justified in his violence because of some societal failure to keep his sexual drive satiated. This was, after all, the second instance of incel violence in four years.
But almost everyone reacted poorly.
Liberals roundly pilloried Hanson. Slate's Jordan Weissman called him "America's creepiest economist," before doing an entirely tendentious interview with him with the aim of exposing Hanson as a nutjob. Wonkette's Robyn Pennacchia accused Hanson of "singing the songs of horny men." Motherboard's Samantha Cole declared that Hanson really wants "women to f--k violent men."
Such high dudgeon does little to advance the cause of mutual sexual understanding among men and women. The fact of the matter is that although the sexual revolution offered the possibility of more sexual fulfillment, it also produced new frustrations and challenges.
The New York Times' Ross Douthat, who defended Hanson (and came in for a heap of criticism as a result), rightly pointed out that the "Hefnerian" ethos that the revolution generated has made the "frequency and variety in sexual experience" the "summum bonum of the human condition." This might work for the "beautiful and rich and socially adept in new ways." However, it poses special problems for people who lack sexual draw and confidence.
Many feminists consider any discussion of the innate differences between male and female sexuality verboten. But it is hard to deny that evolution has wired the two sexes differently when it comes to sex. The qualitative sexual experience of men and women might be similar. But, by and large, as evolutionary psychologist Diana Fleischman points out, men tend to desire more sexual partners, need to know someone for less time before wanting to have sex with them, and have lower standards for sexual liaison. By contrast, women tend to be more discerning and discriminating (because they bear the brunt of producing offspring).
The sexual openness of today's liberated women often means that men's more easily stimulated sexuality is constantly triggered. However, social norms still put the onus on men to approach women and open themselves to rejection. The combination of heightened desire and increased risk from assertive women adds up to constant inner anxiety for many young, inexperienced men venturing into the sexual world. This doesn't mean that incels are right or owed, or that sex actually ought to be redistributed, or that incels are the "real" victims here. Indeed, incel forums can be dark and degraded places where misogyny and violent rhetoric often runs amuck. But ferocious and reflexive demonization from the left isn't helping matters. It is still necessary to understand the root cause of these new sexual pathologies.
Now, none of this exonerates conservatives, of course.
All too many social conservatives want to shut down pornography, tighten controls on prostitution, and restore puritanical norms from a time when men and women could only try to meet their sexual needs within the confines of life-long matrimony. This obviously should not (and will not) happen, if for no other reason than it traps too many couples in emotionally and sexually dead marriages.
The trouble with the sexual revolution isn't that it happened, but that it was incomplete. The problem is not that sex has been over commodified as hardline feminists and conservatives (talk about strange bedfellows!) like to assert; the problem is that it hasn't been commodified enough. The sexual industry in the broadest sense hasn't matured enough yet to cater to the myriad and diverse needs of lonely single people (of both sexes). Where are the Dr. Ruths for single people facing confidence issues or looking for advice? Is it really a surprise that young men turn to each other for solace in the deep recesses of the dark web — and that the result is often very ugly?
Progressivism's promise is to move toward social arrangements that increase the number of winners and diminish the number of losers. But until we achieve a utopia where everyone wins, we'll have to figure out ways to offer relief to the losers. This will require liberals to start taking the plight of people like the incels seriously, and stop penalizing intellectual mavericks like Hanson who have the nerve speak up on their behalf. And it will require conservatives to stop romanticizing an imperfect past and look for viable solutions that don't involve turning back the clock.
This column originally appeared in The Week
The result of feminism and the sexual revolution is that 10% of the guys are having sex with 70% of the gals. Unless you are willing to “man up” and marry the obese, purple-haired, inked up, shrieking harpie who has had sex with 50+ guys and girls and God only knows what else (what could possibly go wrong?), your options are limited these days as a young man. The studies on the percentage of men that women find attractive are as amazing as the statistics on obesity. This is a sick culture. The most attractive guys can play the field like never before, and are perfectly willing to use these women. Less attractive women can get attention from “hot” guys by spreading their legs. When they get too old for this, and realize that Chad the stud isn’t really interested, they accumulate cats in rough proportion to the number of STD’s they’ve contracted, and whine about how guys don’t want to “man up” and support their illegitimate child from another man.
The guys have been raised in a culture that tells them they are not allowed to be masculine (if they are white), and feeds them a literal and figurative diet of poison to feminize them. As their consolation prize they get nerd culture, gaming, and porn. They flock to gaming because it’s an area that hasn’t been completely feminized ... Yet. They get their ideas about sex from porn, which might be less realistic than even professional wrestling. They live in a state of arrested development.
There is a usual Freeper objection to what I have described: a Freeper will know a young woman who is not like what I described. Said Freeper will think that this young woman they know is the rule, not the exception, as this type of young woman was the rule when said Freeper was young, probably 50 years ago. Things have changed.
Outside of a few shrinking islands of suburbia, where the mores and demographics of decades past are still observable, the reality is that this society is quite sick. I’m glad I don’t have to start over as a young person.
That show debuted almost 9 years ago, before Tinder and other technology was brought into the equation. Things are not better now. Even so, Jersey Shore doesn’t portray girls who will have sex with just anyone. The average guy has no chance with those girls. Said average guy should actually be thankful.
My ex-roommate was this kind of guy. Bitter that he couldn’t get any.
Well of course he couldn’t... he was bitter and angry all the time. Duh. Who the hell wants relations with that?
But no sexual relations at all (i.e., "involuntary celibacy") can also lead to sorrow and bitter loneliness.
Sex isn't everything, and promiscuous sex can certainly lead - eventually - to disappointment.
But a total lack of sexual relations - the constant (daily - even hourly) feeling that the universe has no need of you, does not find you worthy of validation, wants you to become extinct - can lead to suicidal (or homocidal) levels of rage.
Men in their late teens or early 20s who - for whatever reason - feel constantly thwarted, get constantly rejected, but see their slightly better-looking or more suave peers "getting some" are bound to want to lash out.
Regards,
What, parents (who of course always share genes with their offspring) can't be at fault? They can't be accused of unfairly making their children's lives miserable? Maybe the mother in question really was a complete "wash" as a loving parent!
And a child who got to go to university can't complain if his parent only got to attend trade school - even if said parent has perhaps made phenomenally bad life decisions impinging on the child's life?!
Regards,
Excellent little essay! Very cogent and to-the-point! Bravo!
Regards,
Women in the USSR are accorded equal rights with men in all spheres of economic, state, cultural, social and political life. The possibility of exercising these rights is ensured to women by granting them an equal right with men to work, payment for work, rest and leisure, social insurance and education, and by state protection of the interests of mother and child, pre-maternity and maternity leave with full pay, and the provision of a wide network of maternity homes, nurseries and kindergartens.Of course, they have to declare them “equal” while plainly declaring them unequal at the same time and worthy of “special” privileges and treatment, i.e. typical doublethink. Anything to destroy the traditional family roles.
— Article 122, 1936 USSR constitution
Women and men have equal rights in the USSR.
Exercise of these rights is ensured by according women equal access with men to education and vocational and professional training, equal opportunities in employment, remuneration, and promotion, and in social and political, and cultural activity, and by special labor and health protection measures for women; by providing conditions enabling mothers to work; by legal protection, and material and moral support for mothers and children, including paid leaves and other benefits for expectant mothers and mothers, and gradual reduction of working time for mothers with small children.
— Article 35, 1977 USSR constitution
Women in the People’s Republic of China enjoy equal rights with men in all spheres of life, political, economic, cultural and social, and family life. The state protects the rights and interests of women, applies the principle of equal pay for equal work for men and women alike, and trains and selects cadres from among women.
— Article 48, PRC constitution
Those sexual revolutionaries are out of the frying pan into the fire. Words and “we musts” won’t help.
It’s running now, brought back. There are clubs all over Jersey and guys are picking up girls in them.
I saw a documentary on PBS years ago about a primitive tribe in the South American jungle, the kind who go naked except for a grass skirt on the females and a g-string on the males, and some simple bead jewelry. One afternoon, an adult around the age of 28 to 32 was giving a lesson to a group of small boys and girls around elementary age. He instructed them very joyfully and encouragingly to make baby dolls out of mud and then hold and rock the babies. It was a class on the outcomes and responsibilities of sexual relations. I imagine it was part of a series of lessons leading up to their puberty. I was so struck by the civilizing cultural influence even in a very primitive people who, as it turned out, were friendly to the outside documentarians and not particularly war-like.
Count me among the Incels and thanks oh so much for calling me a Dork and a Nerd.
I’ve been married to the same woman for over 20 years. Sex became less and less frequent in the early years, ostensibly from a hysterectomy she had in year two. Daddy finally couldn’t stand it any longer and asked for an hour of marital bliss.
Her response echoes in my ear to this day. “I’m sorry but I just don’t have any interest in sex anymore. None.” That was 16 years ago and there has been no intimacy of any kind since. I asked again recently and her response was much less polite. I’ve run permanently aground.
I have never violated my wedding vows, and don’t want to. Maybe that makes me a fool but I don’t believe it is wise to break a promise made in the presence of God Almighty. Plus I keep my honor intact, which to me is important. Divorce Court is a death trap for men, so that option is off the table as well.
So yeah, I’m an Incel. I’m not about to commit acts of mass murder but I certainly am frustrated as hell and grumpy about my fate.
He complained that his dad left the family and left no forwarding address. He complained that his mom didn’t replace his dad with another man. She has a small business and from what he says they lived in a rural and nice neighborhood. He complains about the embarrassment of throwing footballs back and forth with his mom, so she must have made time for him. He complained that his puppy was killed by another dog. He says he was popular in high school but things have not gone so well in college. He’s flunking because he doesn’t go to class as much as he should. He complains about his co-workers and boss for his summer/winter job. He’d seem more like a sympathetic person except that he has been a bit of a snob toward the kids who have transferred in from the community college, and has carried out a campaign of harassment against one of these students. She is not a particularly attractive girl, she drives a beat up car, and her clothes all look like they came from Goodwill. She is on the Dean’s list with a double-major though, while he is flunking out with only one major, so he probably thinks she makes him look bad. Her background is much worse than his, she was abandoned by her mom when her father went to jail for armed robbery.
His mom also is a Republican and since he hates Trump I’m guessing that she probably voted Trump. He complains that she passed a risk for some sort of cancer on to him.
The phrase involuntary celibacy is just the latest leftist propaganda attempt intended to undermine marriage and the rest of our society. Everyone undergoes periods of celibacy. The only exception might be child sex-slaves. People can live happy and fulfilled lives without sex. Sex is neither a right nor a necessity. To think otherwise is to reduce the meaning of humanity to that of invertebrates where people exist only to fulfill their base desires. This is the leftist view of life with the state being their chosen method of fulfilling these desires in a minimalistic but universal way.
Sex isn't everything, and promiscuous sex can certainly lead - eventually - to disappointment.
It eventually leads to misery and death, not merely disappointment. Promiscuity and the dissolution of marriage have always been a goal of the leftists on the path to socialist totalitarianism.
But a total lack of sexual relations - the constant (daily - even hourly) feeling that the universe has no need of you, does not find you worthy of validation, wants you to become extinct - can lead to suicidal (or homocidal) levels of rage.
Hogwash. This tired refrain is exactly what the leftists are attempting to indoctrinate our children with. The truth is that without God there is no meaning to the universe with or without sex. The only true goal of life and the only real fulfillment can be found in service to God and one another. Sex without commitment provides no intrinsic validation. The concept of personal extinction is irrelevant to most people who deny God in that they are reproducing far below replacement levels even when they all the sex they want. The increasing tendency toward suicide is a result of an absence of meaning in life, not a lack of access to sex. Promiscuous sex only exacerbates the familial isolation and moral destitution that drives people to suicide.
Men in their late teens or early 20s who - for whatever reason - feel constantly thwarted, get constantly rejected, but see their slightly better-looking or more suave peers "getting some" are bound to want to lash out.
This bizarre assertion that the absence of sex is somehow causing this increase in violence is laughably absurd. Sex is more available now than ever before in human history. The internet and its sex sourcing apps, leftist indoctrination, the retreat of religion, pornography, legalized prostitution, contraception technologies, and abortion have all provided opportunities for anyone to have as much promiscuous sex as they want.
This argument would be a joke if it weren't for its sinister intent. The leftists' real goal here is have sex be recognized as a civil right. From there prostitution would become universally legalized and tax dollars would need to be allocated to state-sponsored prostitution for those pathetic involuntary celibates who would be said to otherwise be helpless to not murdering innocent people. After that the institution of marriage would be all but destroyed and the state's control over our lives would be almost complete.
Don't buy into their lies. Sex is a gift that can only be truly appreciated and benefited from in a committed, self giving, life-long marriage. There is far greater meaning in our lives than sexual intercourse. Open you mind to something larger than yourself and your own base desires. You may find that your life obtains a happiness and fulfillment that you didn't know was possible.
We do? I gently suggest that an obsession on sex being the only meaningful facet of modern life has a good deal to do with the problem. What we "need" is a little less obsession.
Who the F said I’m calling you a dork and a nerd??? I respect you a great deal. I’m not exactly getting any myself. But I don’t call myself an incel, and neither should you. I prefer the old-fashioned term “bachelor” for me, and Supremely Superior Gentleman for you for continuing to honor your vows.
Like it or not, the incel terminology has been appropriated by these deranged, sex-obsessed gutter trash who hate women with a passion, even while only wanting the one thing. They also hate “beta males” who try to protect them from violent morons such as themselves. I suppose I would qualify as one of these “beta males” or “cucks”, in their eyes, for offering to help a young lady put her father’s wheelchair into her van at a dialysis center like I did a few weeks ago.
So please don’t accuse me of looking down on honorable “dseignated bachelors” like you and me. I only look down on the sickos. I think you are completely 100% decent and honorable for continuing to honor your vows. Enjoy the taste of your shoe leather.
Yes, they do need Jesus, among other things.
Seems there were multiple posts calling the reluctantly celibate Nerds, Dorks or just plain Losers. No reflection on you, FRiend. I was answering the chorus, not you specifically.
My whole point is there are some (millions?) of us who are celibate against our will. I blame Feminism with their “toxic masculinity” crap and other hatred of all things male. I’m old enough to remember when women would NEVER let their man leave the house that kind of horny, knowing it could lead to serious, home-wrecking trouble.
However, I do find the MGTOW Movement amusing, though it means the death of love and marriage for American women.
It’s all good. Some of us, like you and me, seem destined for such trials.
The modern sexual situation also hurts women more than it hurts (un-celibate) men. The hormone oxytocin, produced abundantly during sex, usually causes women to bond to their partners in a way that it does not for men. When the men move on, the breaking of that bond hurts the women, sometimes terribly.
Little good came out of the Sexual Revolution.
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