If done correctly, it is safer for infants to be near enough to the mom to hear her breathing, which regulates the infant’s breathing. Touch is essential too. An infant is calmed with one touch from the parent. An infant can feed without anyone getting up.
Safety for newborns in the family bed: the adult may have a firm foam pillow and one cover of some kind (duvet, blanket). The cover is to be kept far away from the baby. The baby should be placed in bed in the evening perpendicular to how the parent will lie, his head against the firm pillow (too firm to possibly jam his nose into and smother). The mattress is covered with mattress pad and sheet and nothing else.the bed is pressed into the corner of the room tight enough to have no space for baby to jam into the crack between mattress and wall. The baby is wearing his own warm pajama, swaddler, whatever he needs for the temperature. When the mom comes to bed she should attempt to face him most of the night, NO SUBSTANCES EVER (alcohol etc). The mom and baby instincts take over and they learn to communicate even while asleep or semi asleep, for feeding or comfort or even to correct ragged breathing.
The best way to do the family bed if there are two or more bedrooms is to have a master bedroom for adults only, and the other bedroom set up with a very low king size bed with room for whoever wishes to sleep with the baby (ies). No adult partner NEEDS someone beside him all night long. Babies and toddlers do. But there always needs to be a private room for the couple to “make more babies.”
Babies who sleep near their parent don’t wake up in the night unless sick or potty training. Ever. I’ve done this 4 times and it is true. No fears, no trying to stay up later, waking earlier. They sleep like logs because their security is wholly in the parent. They have no innner security. Only by knowing Mommy (or Daddy) is right there can they sleep securely. It is as if you were forced to spend a night on a city bench in the absolute worst part of town. That horrible feeling you would have, if that was you, tonight, on that bench, is the feeling babies and tots have when put to sleep far from you.
GREAT post. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
We do what you posted with our 2 month old.
It’s really fun having a tiny baby between us in our cozy bed.
And yeah, I can totally hear her breathing because her face is inches away from mine. Any hiccup or burp wakes me up!
Plus, we can hear her pooping. It sounds like a rushing flood from a cloudburst, but made of pudding. We address that issue immediately.