The Perfect Man.
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Larry." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Larry Neer. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Larry Neer every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Larry Neer. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Larry Neer could do everything right." Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!" Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Larry, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake No one could ever measure up to Larry Neer." Passenger: "How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "I never actually met Larry. He died and I married his wife."
My wife an I were watchin “adult” entertainment when I commented: “how come you never do that ?”
She replied: “bring we one of those and watch what happens.”
There was no more talking during the entertainment.
Funny...funny...funny...funny! And yes,I’m a guy.
HA, that was funny...had to show it to my husband who is 8 years older than me, BTW, so not like he’s a spring chicken ;)
one of hte best lines was on the hsow everyone loves raymond-
Marie Barone: I have my own opinions. I’m not just some trophy wife.
Frank Barone: Trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?
A man turns to his wife of 50 years and says, “Martha, when I was drafted into the army, you were there for me. And when I was injured at work, you were there for me. And when I lost my life savings in the stock market, you were there for me.
Martha, I’ve been thinking. You’re just bad luck.”
A friend who was stationed in Hawaii in the 40’s made the mistake of reminiscing to his wife one evening (in the 80’s).
Recalling a 16 year old beauty he’d dated their at 18, mused “I wonder how she’s doing?”.
His wife replied: “She’s probably old and fat like you.”
bkmk
Similar joke: Walter Cronkite was once quoted as saying he wanted to die with a 17-year-old girl in his arms and a 70-year-old bottle of scotch.
To which his wife Betsy replied “He’ll probably die with a 70-year-old woman in his arms and a 17-year-old bottle of scotch.”