Sure, in the deleted paragraph, Jefferson is talking about British imposed slavery.
But Dunmore's proclamation did not call for "murdering their masters" and that may help explain the paragraph's deletion.
Just so we're clear, here again is what Dunmore did call for:
Not insurrection, not murder, but joining the British army.
Sure, Lord Dunmore talked about this - and everything the British did - in favorable terms.
Did you expect him to issue a proclamation advertising that the Christian King had authorized him to become the paymaster for murderers?
In Dunmore’s telling the only thing he ever wanted to do was to give the erstwhile guest workers a wholesome job with a living wage.
On the other hand, we can expect Jefferson to attach an adverse interpretation to everything the King did. See: Declaration of Independence.
One could argue Jefferson put some extra jam on the biscuit when wrong-footing the King in order to ensure wealthy, influential slave owners who were on the fence came down on the side of the revolution.
Whether Jefferson understated or overstated how many slaves murdered how many slave owners, he did say the King was responsible for it happening.
Not insurrection, not murder, but joining the British army.”
That may be your interpretation on behalf of Lord Dunmore, but the Virginia patriots called it differently.
They said . . . . well, let's read what they said about Dunmore’s proclamation:
Text of Virginia Congress Declaration
Virginia, Dec. 14, 1775.
By the Representatives of the People of the Colony and Dominion of VIRGINIA, assembled in GENERAL CONVENTION
A DECLARATION
WHEREAS lord Dunmore, by his proclamation, dated on board the ship William, off Norfolk, the 7th day of November 1775, hath offered freedom to such able-bodied slaves as are willing to join him, and take up arms, against the good people of this colony, giving thereby encouragement to a general insurrection, which may induce a necessity of inflicting the severest punishments upon those unhappy people, already deluded by his base and insidious arts; and whereas, by an act of the General Assembly now in force in this colony, it is enacted, that all negro or other slaves, conspiring to rebel or make insurrection, shall suffer death, and be excluded all benefit of clergy : We think it proper to declare, that all slaves who have been, or shall be seduced, by his lordship's proclamation, or other arts, to desert their masters’ service, and take up arms against the inhabitants of this colony, shall be liable to such punishment as shall hereafter be directed by the General Convention. And to that end all such, who have taken this unlawful and wicked step, may return in safety to their duty, and escape the punishment due to their crimes, we hereby promise pardon to them, they surrendering themselves to Col. William Woodford, or any other commander of our troops, and not appearing in arms after the publication hereof. And we do farther earnestly recommend it to all humane and benevolent persons in this colony to explain and make known this our offer of mercy to those unfortunate people.
EDMUND PENDLETON, president.
You contend the Virginians not only didn't know what they were talking about, but that they didn't say what they clearly said.
Next I suppose we will see you on YouTube wagging your finger and instructing Aunt Jemima on how to make pancakes.