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CHRISTMAS CAKE

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
1 bottle Rum
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the rum to check quality. To be sure it meets the highest standards, pour half a cup and drink.
Take a large bowl, check the rum for room temperature.
Repeat
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.

At this point it’s best to make sure the rum is still OK.

Try another cup .... just in case. Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the rum to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.

Check the rum.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw out the whole mess, finish the rum - it is recommended that one sits to complete this. Call for a pizza.
CHERRY MISTMAS! I’M WRECKED