Why do modern brides insist on weddings so lavish they leave guests BROKE? [tr]

UK Daily Mail ^ | March 29, 2017 | Lauren Libbert

[C19fan]

As chief bridesmaid at her best friend’s wedding, Claire Duke knew a certain amount of responsibility and planning would fall to her.

What she didn’t imagine was that it would cost her so much money to attend the lavish ceremony that her debt would last longer than her friend’s marriage.

Claire’s friend, Siobhan, chose a Caribbean beach setting for her big day four years ago. Claire, 33, a chef from the Isle of Man, says: ‘They wanted us to be there no matter what.’

[neefer]

I don’t attend weddings unless I am endorsing and expressing approval of the marriage. Me too. I didn't go to my cousin's wedding. Family members asked why. I explained it wouldn't last. Three years later, they divorced.

I always told my parents I would elope. But my mother-in-law was enraged by the idea, yet she didn't have a dime to contribute to a large celebration. We had an out of state wedding in Gatlinburg in order to keep it small. She complained, of course. I regret not eloping. The only reason we didn't was to appease her, yet she complained it wasn't what she wanted.

[Starboard]

Anecdotal, but probably quite accurate. That’s what happens to those who value show over substance.

[Mr. Douglas]

I’m in agreement with those that want to do it on the cheap, but I’m torn. Thing is, we held a friend’s wedding on our farm and it was a huge hit. Every single person there that is “in the wedding industry” told us we had a gold mine site for wedding events. Even the pastor.

So we’ve now been planning on it being a part of our income into retirement. They used a large tent for that one, but we want to put up a nice sheet metal building with some special touches primarily for weddings and other events.

But now I feel guilty. ;-)

[Flick Lives]

;-)

[VTenigma]

I think my wife and I spent about $1500 on our wedding. Over 200 people were fed a feast, drank to their hearts content, danced to a great band, had the time of their lives, in a beautiful setting most people would die for. All casual, no pressure, just fun.

[Mariner]

“when weddings are about being a Disney Princess for a day”

All women desire this at some level.

It’s mass insanity. Completely, bat sh!t crazy.

And their prospective husbands share the fault for not just saying NO.

Western weddings are one of the stupidest spectacles anyone ever thought up. Anyone who participates is equally stupid.

[C19fan]

From I understand the West is not quite up to the level of Indian weddings that last days and involve hundreds of people.

[Starboard]

If you can ride the trend, go for it. Any additional income in retirement is helpful. ;)

My son is in an entertaining band and would be happy to be the ‘house band’ for you. LOL

[PapaBear3625]

I have found throughout the years that there is an inverse correlation between the amount of $ spend on the wedding and how long the marriage last.

There has actually been research on the subject:

‘A Diamond is Forever’ and Other Fairy Tales: The Relationship between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration

Abstract

In this paper, we evaluate the association between wedding spending and marriage duration using data from a survey of over 3,000 ever-married persons in the United States. Controlling for a number of demographic and relationship characteristics, we find evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony.

In my case, we had a frugal wedding, and are still together after over 30 years.

In my daughter's case, I gave her a check. I told her "Use this money on your wedding, on your honeymoon, as a down payment on your house, however you see fit". Suddenly, then, once it became HER money she would be spending, she became very energetic in figuring out how to have a nice wedding without spending a ridiculous amount.

[stonehouse01]

“...thought of a wedding industry is absurd...”

We would know - we have 4 daughters - two married and one probably soon to be engaged.

Ironically my husband was more willing to overspend our budget to keep up appearances because his Ct. (liberal) family expected it. My mother in law is more keep-up-with-the-Jones’s than I am. I begged him to keep it simple - in the scope of things neither wedding was overly lavish as we are not rich, but we ended up spending more than we should have.

Peer pressure including from family is real and hard to resist. Both our daughters are securely married - the older one has a daughter and they are expecting twins and the next couple in line is expecting a girl in September. Neither daughter were bridezillas and neither are very materialistic per se.

The third will be engaged soon and wants a very simple wedding.

Say no to the dress! Just kidding the dress itself can be very nice but the ceremony and the solemn exchange of the vows (we are catholic so in our case the nuptial mass) is the most important part of the day and this should always be in the forefront. The rest is superfluous.

[Mariner]

I got married, every time, in the courthouse.

[stonehouse01]

clarify - the older one has a daughter implies that she had it before their marriage - our 3 year old granddaughter was born a year after their marriage and they are now expecting identical twins.

I clarify because the norm now is to get married after you are pregnant or already have a child! Crazy!

[fatboy]

My wife and me have two kids. We, along with my two other brothers and two other sisters (and their families) were invited to my niece’s wedding (my sisters daughter). The wedding became a big competition to spend money.

A month or so before the wedding all of us were uninvited because (we were told) that the grooms parents wanted to have so many people in attendance from their side of the family and the cost to have us there was too much.

So I don’t know what to think or believe and I’m not upset about not going to a wedding but still being uninvited from your sisters kids wedding is disturbing.

[Mariner]

“I understand that.”

I can’t understand anyone who understands that.

[Chickensoup]

Dear Mrs. Web has always recommended having the wedding one can afford.

www.dearmrsweb.com

[Starboard]

Peer pressure including from family is real and hard to resist.

**************

True that. Wedding ceremonies are big events, but there are other big things in life that require a lot of money too. No sense in lavishly spending on a transient event, in my opinion. Much of that money could be saved for other important things down the road (e.g., homes, higher education, unexpected expenses, etc).

We have two sons so our financial commitments are not quite as large as yours. :)

[ArcadeQuarters]

Women have always wanted to make other women jealous. On top of that, many people now think they deserve to be a celebrity.

[bonfire]

So far, my sister and I have thrown five beautiful weddings with receptions for our children under $6,000. Everyone pitches in and fortunately we have talented family members. Last wedding I ordered roses in bulk from Walmart for far cheaper than a florist or online. Score!

[Mr. Douglas]

Heh. Can he do south central KY? :-)

[TankerKC]

Marriage > Wedding day.

Much.

Make appropriate effort.