Happy St. Patricks Day All
Ah....let's start if off with a good pun.
Right?
What did you say?
So that's what's at the end of the rainbow...
Posted on 03/17/2017 5:56:20 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
As a former business traveler, I got tired of eating on the road, too often in over priced hotel and stuffy restaurants. So after some time, I figured why not ask the doorman for a good local pub that served food?
On my first trip to Dublin, I did just that, The bar I went to was still relatively empty that early evening. Just me, the bartender and two guys sitting down at the end. As I was talking to the bartender, I couldn’t help but overhear the two down at the end.
Irishman 1 - So where you from, boyo?
Irishman 2 - Dublin and how ‘bout you?
I1 - Dublin! How about that! I’m from Dublin too!!! And what parish, if I might ask?
I2 - St Mike’s of course!
I1 - St Mikes????!! Bejesus, that’s me parish too! Did you happen to have Sister Mary Margaret in school?
I2 - Boyo! She was as tough as nails she was!...
As the two talked more, the conversation got more and more excited as they had so much in common, their voices raised and were laughing near hysterically by this point.
I asked the bartender - “Say? What’s with those two?”
He replied , “Them? Oh it’s the Flanagan Twins....Drunk again
h/t Geri
An engineer dies... and goes to Hell. Dissatisfied with the level of comfort, he starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls and asks Satan, "How's it going down there?"
Satan says, "Things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God is horrified. "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gone down there! You know all engineers go to Heaven. Send him up here!"
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff. I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."
"Yeah, right," Satan laughs, "and where are you going to get a lawyer?"
h/t NOBO2012
She said: I want to keep my house.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
He said: That's fine with me.
She said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
He said: Put me down for Fridays.
She replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches. And she replied that she was hungry. The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "6."
The judge said, "Then I will give you 6 days in jail."
Before the judge could conclude the trial, the woman's husband interrupted and said, "Your Honor, may I say something?"
The judge said, "What is it?"
The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."
An Irish man walks out of a bar. Hey, it could happen.
#12. OMG. Those are a riot.
...the other two ducked.
*rimshot*
Hi Everybody!
(((HUGS)))
Top 50?
"Ceterum censeo Islam esse delendam."
Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)
LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)
THIS WAS AN OLD ONE.
Dear Abby,
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the
beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What’s
worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.
Also, since he lost his job eight years ago, he hasn’t even looked
for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and
B.S. with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our
daughter went away to college he doesn’t even pretend to like me and
hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed: Clueless
Dear Clueless,
Grow up and dump him. Good grief, woman - you don’t need him
anymore! You’re a United States Senator from New York running for
President of the United States. Act like one.
A panicky 9-1-1 caller said, "My buddy and I were out hunting and I think he's dead. What do I do???!!!"
So the 9-1-1 operator said, "Don't panic. I can help you with this. First, make absolutely sure he's dead."
The caller says, "OK, hang on." (blam) "OK, I'm sure he's dead. Now what?"
You could also ask why March Madness had to be in the middle of Lent.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.