Posted on 03/12/2017 11:05:27 PM PDT by pissant
Mensa Winners
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Femocrats: Fat, smelly womyn who demand never to be grabbed by the pussy yet who are in no danger of such an event occurring.
Frogressives: Leftists who think that the 1970s afro was worthy of making a comeback.
Slocialists: Obnoxious anti-Trump celebrities who are taking their sweet time getting the hell out of the country as they loudly promised
Baby Doomers: Post war generation of dumbsh*ts who saddled future generations with 20 million illegals competing for jobs and 20 Trillion in debt.
Dope Francis: An Argentinian communist whose utterances on religion compare unfavorably with those of Francis the talking Mule.
Fiberals: Left leaning politicians who make crap up to bolster their street cred, such as calling oneself an Indian (Warren, D-Mass.) or claiming to dodge sniper fire in Bosnia (Clinton, D-Retired).
Tracism: The tactic used by law enforcement agencies (and despised by SJWs) to trace 98% of ‘hate crimes’ back to the alleged victim.
Eracism: The tactic used by the Main Stream Media of never reporting on Tracism.
oh, those are great additions! Fiberals!
very well done
It was fun to do. But my favorite is from the original email-—
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a Hillbilly!!
Mensa: Intelligent discharge.
Mensa member: Bloody intelligent!
Here I thought it was going to be a list of really smart people. Like Maxine Waters.
Ha!!
And Patty Murray?
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
I have been using that term for over 20 years. The way I came about it was I was standing in line at the DMV. It was about 95 out. There was a heavy set black women in front of me fanning herself. She turned to me and said "It is HOT out. That bozone layer sure be given us crazy weather"
Flabellation - inadvertently beating oneself with one’s belly fat while running.
Circhumstance - stance criminals are ordered to assume while being searched.
Eggravation - Emotion experienced when you have to send your eggs back (again), so the kitchen can get them right, this time.
Rubstance - Where your cat wants you to stand, so he can rub cat hair all over your pant leg.
Loperation - Tummy tuck.
Himpossible - No way I’m dating that guy!
Kinvariable - Relative with multiple personalities.
Coincifence - When the pawn shop tries to sell you the T.V. that was stolen from you last week.
Peon: a servant or underling you figuratively urinate on
Mediat: Thinking yourself god-like
Mediocre: Yellow journalism
Impeachmint — suck on it, Democrats
wallowe — Mexico does, we collect
exstatic — what one gets from the former spouse
pantasy — false hope of becoming President
detirement — job search at age 70
Benign: a winning Bingo number
Absolutely! You can’t talk about MENSA without mentioning Patty Murray.
Female: The cost, premium orfee for being a straight male
see C sea: observing a country’s capital from the ocean
Short pour: a small drink for a destitute dwarf
“Cashtration”
...or “castration”, as pronounced by Michelle Obama.
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