YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!!
Here, I'll help
Here, I'll help
#2!! ?
#2???
h/t Geri
Two friends were graduating from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.
Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it.
The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics - no go. Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives - thumbs down again.
Then came Minds and Behinds - still no good. Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again! So they tried Nuts and Butts - no way. Freaks and Cheeks - still no good. Loons and Moons - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with:
Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends.
Everybody loved it...
"I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated."
"And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?"
The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'"
They had a bird pathologist examine the remains of all the crows and he confirmed that the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu to everyone's relief. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks and only 2% were killed by impact with a car.
Finding this rather curious, the researchers hired an Ornithological Behaviorist at Boston College to determine the disproportionate percentages for truck versus car kills. The behaviorist determined:
When Boston crows eat road kill, they always set-up a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
His conclusion was that the lookout crow could say "Cah, but could not say "Truck."
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards, then backwards, forward, then backwards again....back and forth...back and forth.
Her heart was pounding...her face was flushed...then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder. Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted, "OK, OK! I CAN'T park the car! You do it, you SMUG bastard!"
Top ten.
In.
Top 10
Yay Friday!
Happy Friday!
IN!!
