Posted on 03/06/2017 4:46:26 AM PST by sodpoodle
Oh my— this thread is the best! I so needed a smile and to LMAO even though I’m all by myself- except for my dog- funniest clean jokes I’ve heard in a while!
Reminds me of the time my husband asked me to pick up some Cajun hot sauce at the store and I came home with a case of hot dogs.
Tee Hee;)
“A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool… After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’ ‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis..”
Engineers...
Can’t live with them....
Dana Carvy is ok. He had a terrible time with medical misadventure as a surgeon did a bypass on the wrong artery. That was 20 years ago.
Most of the comedians today, sole purpose is to ‘out gross’ each other and trash conservative’s. Stopped watching them for the most part.
Dana Carvy is ok. He had a terrible time with medical misadventure as a surgeon did a bypass on the wrong artery. That was 20 years ago.
Most of the comedians today, sole purpose is to ‘out gross’ each other and trash conservative’s. Stopped watching them for the most part.
Yep. It takes zero talent to get on stage and be gross and shocking. Actually being funny with the requisite timing is really tough.
I’ve been watching reruns of the Dick Van Dyke show. Mainly to watch Morey Amsterdam. I knew a vaudeville comedian when I was a kid and this guy could pull a punchline out of thin air. Amsterdam was the same.
I read once that occasionally the script would read “Morey tells jokes, 2 minutes.”
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"
The Princess immediately said, "Heavens No!" And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and guns, and ate spam, potato chips and beans, blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.
The End.
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."
When you are over sixty, who gives a DARN!
...........
***********
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said,
"If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
When you are over sixty, who gives a DARN!
Prince Harry???????????
Oh, I don’t know. I’m pretty happy with mine for the most part. However, we do NOT discuss the incident with the banister. Seriously, who needs to design a full scale schematic in Visio to rehang a banister?
My health has improved since my retirement.
A Mexican outlaw saunters into an old west hotel and asks for a room at the front desk. The clerk asked him “Will that be one or two sheets on your bed?” The outlaw drew his pistols from his holster, aimed at the ckerk and said “You sheet on my bed and I keel you!”
What was hilarious was a boy in my second grade class told that joke for show and tell, back in 1962. It’s my most memorable thing about second grade.
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!” A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, “Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had eggs.”
.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.