Austin police charge man after finding crack in butt

KXAN TV Austin ^ | 2/10/2017 | Dave Byknish

[SpeedyInTexas]

AUSTIN (KXAN) – Acting on a confidential tip, Austin police tracked down a man they believe deals crack cocaine and charged him with possession after finding 166 doses of the drug in his rectum.

[cdcdawg]

If he didn’t have a crack in his butt, he couldn’t have hidden the crack in his butt.

[a fool in paradise]

#KeepAustinWhackedOut

[a fool in paradise]

I see you are familiar with Schrödinger’s cat’s butt crack

[mylife]

Or get Crack Spackle ☺

[ExGeeEye]

See, if it was legalized, it would be packaged with a warning Not to use it as a suppository...

[cdcdawg]

Lol, yes, but which crack is both there and not there? Each crack seems to be a precondition to the other being “there”. Meanwhile, that poor cat.

[a fool in paradise]

It works well to end gerbil infestation.

[pa_dweller]

Dis some good chit, man.

[mountn man]

Was he a plumber?

[Feckless]

First job I took after retiring from the Army was as a jailer at the Bell County, Texas jail. While still a 90 day "Probie" my training CO and I were conducting "Contact Visitation". We saw a female visitor pass something to an inmate and when the visit was over we put him in a broom closet to strip search him. He took his underwear off and a baggie of tobacco fell from under his nutsack. The CO grabbed it up and went looking for the SGT.

The inmate started getting dressed and I said "No, drop 'em, turn around and spread 'em." A baggie of dope clenched between his cheeks hit the floor. About that time my Training CO returned with the SGT. I pointed to the baggie and he scooped it up and said "Where was this?" "In his ass." I said and he slammed it down on the floor. Me, the SGT and the inmate all had a good laugh. "Tatu", the nickname for the CO (he was barely 5'0" Mexican guy) got all pissed off which just made us all laugh more.

[a fool in paradise]

... but which crack is both there and not there? Each crack seems to be a precondition to the other being “there”.

Maybe it has to use Mobius' one-sided toilet paper strips.

[Oldeconomybuyer]

Bummer dude.

[capt. norm]

"Butt Crack??"

I noticed...there's a joke hiding in there.

[aomagrat]

“Are you hurt?”

“Yes, my butt has a crack in it.”

[cdcdawg]

You know, with a little bit of work, we could probably flesh this out this into something publishable.

[LydiaLong]

Don’t we all have that?

[mountn man]

[a fool in paradise]

I know just the place:

The Journal of Irreproducible Results
http://www.jir.com/

They’ve been around for several decades already.

I have some of the books but have never seen an issue.

http://www.jir.com/geographic.html
©The Journal of Irreproducible Results, vol. 20, #3, March 1974, pages 22-23.
National Geographic, the Doomsday Machine

George H. Kaub
PUBLICATION AND DISTRIBUTION OF THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC MAGAZINE MUST BE IMMEDIATELY STOPPED AT ALL COSTS! This beautiful, educational, erudite, and thoroughly appreciated publication is the heretofore unrecognized instrument of doom which must be erased if we as a country or continent will survive. It is NOT TOO LATE if this warning is heeded!

According to current subscription figures, more than 6,869,797 issues of the National Geographic magazine are sent to subscribers monthly throughout the world. However, it would be safe to say that the bulk of these magazines reach subscribers in the United States and Canada, and it is, and never has been, thrown away! It is saved like a monthly edition of the Bible. The magazine has been published for over 141 years continuously, and countless millions if not billions of copies have been innocently yet relentlessly accumulating in basements, attics, garages, public and private institutions of learning, the Library of Congress, Smithsonian Institution, Good Will, and Salvation Army stores, and heaven knows where else. Never discarded, always saved. No recycling, just the horrible and relentless accumulation of this static vehicle of our doom!

National Geographic averages approximately 2 pounds per issue. Since no copies have been discarded or destroyed since the beginning of publication, it can be readily seen that the accumulated aggregate weight is a figure that not only boggles the mind, but is imminently approaching the disaster point. That point will be the time at which the geologic substructure of the country can no longer support the incredible load, and subsidence will occur. Gradually at first, but then relentlessly accelerating as rock formations are compressed, become plastic and begin to flow, great faults will appear...

(charts follow)

[BobL]

I guess I’m GOING DOWN too, then.

[RoosterRedux]

CNN: “Trump signs EO making plumber’s butt illegal.”