.
This wasn’t about ‘coping,’ it was a coward’s revenge on his wife.
I hope she has the strength not to accept the blame.
.
Not buying that for even one split second. Bull stuff!
In your mind you think the guy went up there and said, “I’ll get even with her, bang!”
Seriously? Good grief!
Nope.
I don’t want her to accept the blame either.
These things happen. Two people contribute. It wasn’t her fault more than it was his. She shouldn’t beat herself up over it.
I do think people need to argue constructively. If it goes too far, call a break and try to be constructive at another time.
From my experience, you NEVER say something you don’t want to stick with someone for a long time. You don’t bring up things unrelated to the issue. You don’t insult. You don’t pull out pet grievances and add them to the dynamics.
Some folks think it’s time to spill their guts when arguments are underway. It isn’t.
Pretend everything you say can and will be used against you at a later date. It will if you’re not careful.
Stick to the issue at hand, even if the other person tries to branch out. Call them on it. Explain that isn’t productive. Ask them to help resolve the main issue and nothing else (right now).
Don’t close down their other pet peeves, but tell them that after ‘this issue’ is resolved, we can discuss those. “I’ll be happy to, since they bother you too. I want you to be happy.”