I’m in a group with five other ladies — all between 65 and 75. Often I hear, “I love my kids, but if I had it to do over again I wouldn’t have any.”
I don’t have any — “for the sake of the children”. I’d have been a terrible mother. Terrible. Some day I expect to regret the decision; we’ll see.
My personal opinion is, men surely ought to know when their opinions are NOT needed, unless or until they carry a baby to term, birth, and spend 24/7 caring for a child. First off, the body in pregnancy is flooded with hormones that some days takes over 'sanity' to the point of exhaustion. I have three children, and I have never felt regret.
However, I do remember the first time (in the 80's) when I was no longer gainfully employed, about to give birth, (my body/brain was no longer mine) reality smacked me. I wrote a check and was asked for workplace phone number... When I said I did not have one, the 'gal' said, oh, you do not work. I literally wanted to disappear, embarrassed beyond words.
What I read this woman to say was
"The regret hit me when the grandmas went home and my husband went back to the office and I was on my own with him," she says. "I realized that this was my life now—and it was unbearable."
I have no problem with her reality, because 'Western society' really does NOT value motherhood. It is one of those mindsets of 'woman' do your job.. and that job is 24/7. Look at tax law. IF mom and dad hauls off the child/children to daycare, there is a tax deduction... But if either parent does the daycare job there is no tax deduction. Last memory, of my deductible worth, was $2,500 a year, caring 24/7 for three children.
So would I.
I could barely take care of myself, let alone a young life. Childrearing is a big responsibility (as is marriage), and I'm lucky to have realized it.
I still feel a little wistful, but I know that I cannot compare myself to someone raised with the right family, right values, right environment, right community. I was pretty orphaned.