What are YOU going to be for Halloween? Here are some ideas....
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KEVIN & JIMMY VISIT HAUNTED HOUSE
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Posted on 10/28/2016 5:51:14 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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KEVIN & JIMMY VISIT HAUNTED HOUSE
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Grunty Scabs
Might as well start with a 
theme:
UGLY WITCH!!
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and was sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said, "What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."
** Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
** Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
** Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
** Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
** Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
** Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
** Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
** Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
** If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
** Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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- Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag
- Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves
- 24 hours supply of food and drink
- Ice-scraper
- 5 lbs of rock salt
- Flashlight or lantern with spare batteries
- Road flares and reflective triangles
- Tow rope
- 5 gallon can of gasoline
- First aid kit
- Jumper cables
I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning.
That way everyone in the country can get drunk drinking "Responsibly."
And all the other alcoholic drink makers will be advertising for me on their packaging with the slogan "Please drink Responsibly."
That was all quite amazing.
Nibbles McBrains
Go Cubs!
0 the White Sox fan wasn’t amused.
I was standing at the bar one night, minding my own business, when this FAT, ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, “You’re kind’a cute! You gotta phone number?”
I said, “Yeah, you gotta pen?”
She said, “Yeah, I got a pen”.
I said, “You better get back in it before the farmer misses you.”
Cost me 6 stitches... But, when you’re over sixty; who cares?
Excellent misdirection story.
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