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I just upgraded to Sierra and already resent the hell out of Siri poking its nose in mah bidness. I think I’d have a meltdown trying to do the touchbar, but by the time my offspring have shamed me numerous times in the coming years by showing off with theirs, maybe I’ll be able to afford a used one and mess around with it.

Oh? I kinda doubt your story about Siri bothering you. How in the heck can it be bothering you? Siri won't even come up unless you invoke it. To use Siri on a Mac requires YOU TO DO SOMETHING to get Siri's attention!

To get Siri to come on you have click the Siri button in the upper right corner of the screen, or hold Command and Space, and then ask it a question, it should not ever bother you. If you don't do either of those things, Siri will just ignore you. If Siri is coming on at random times, turn it off by going into System Preferences, clicking on the Siri Pane and disabling it. Simple.