30 Harsh Things A Woman Can Say To A Naked Man
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the early bird.
h/t Travis McGee
Remember Mood Rings?
The lady said, "My boyfriend gave me a mood ring. I like it lot. It's really handy. When I'm in a good mood, it makes a soft blue color. When I'm in a bad mood, it makes a big red mark on his forehead."
Last evening I was having dinner with a World Chess Champion in a restaurant with checkered tablecloths. Took the guy an hour to pass me the salt.
h/t NOBO2013
Seriously, I don't know exactly when the UFO landed and dumped off all these stupid people. But, apparently they aren't coming back for them.
Speaking of stupid people, a winning solution:
Somebody stole my identity last week. Today, they showed up at my door and pleaded for me to take it back.
Winter's coming...
A recent newspaper article reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex.
A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted in Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight..."
h/t C210N
An elderly couple in their 70’s were about to get married.
He said: I want to keep my house.
She said: That’s fine with me.
He said: I want to keep my Cadillac.
She said: That’s fine with me.
He said: I want to have sex 6 times a week.
She said: Put me down for Fridays.
Sorry about the quality.