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***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***
Posted on 08/19/2016 6:19:04 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
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73 Bad Puns In 5 Minutes
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I have a Polish friend who is a roadie for a band.
I have a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines everywhere!
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So this guy with a premature ejaculation problem comes out of nowhere.
A magician was walking down the street and turned into a grocery store.
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Did you hear about the Mexican train killer? He had locomotives.
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It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
A farmer in the field with his cows counted 196 of them, but when he rounded them up he had 200.
What does a nosey pepper do? Get jalapeño business.
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What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart.
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence.
As he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut.
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King of Puns - Milton Jones
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TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: ofst; puns; silliness
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To: Lucky9teen
Today’s PUNS are particularly execrable!
And we love it!
41
posted on
08/19/2016 7:20:02 AM PDT
by
left that other site
(You shall know the Truth, and The Truth Shall Set You Free.)
To: Lucky9teen
42
posted on
08/19/2016 7:24:17 AM PDT
by
xp38
To: Lucky9teen
ROTFLMAO. I have never understood that joke until this minute! That is how dumb I am, I guess.
43
posted on
08/19/2016 7:33:28 AM PDT
by
wastoute
(Government cannot redistribute wealth. Government can only redistribute poverty.)
To: Lucky9teen
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
44
posted on
08/19/2016 7:37:29 AM PDT
by
dangus
To: Lucky9teen
45
posted on
08/19/2016 7:37:36 AM PDT
by
Heartlander
(Prediction: Increasingly, logic will be seen as a covert form of theism. - Denyse O'Leary)
To: Lucky9teen
46
posted on
08/19/2016 7:52:33 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
To: Lucky9teen
47
posted on
08/19/2016 8:08:11 AM PDT
by
BenLurkin
(The above is not a statement of fact. It is either satire or opinion. Or both.)
To: Lucky9teen
The one about the dyslexic devil worshipper reminded me of the dyslexic, insomniac agnostic. He was up all night wondering if there really is a dog!
48
posted on
08/19/2016 8:12:49 AM PDT
by
stremba
To: stremba
How about the despondent dyslexic who threw himself behind a bus?
49
posted on
08/19/2016 8:13:44 AM PDT
by
glock rocks
(Black Labs Matter)
To: Lucky9teen
To: Lucky9teen
-A Great Weekend to Everyone! Let the Silliness reign!
51
posted on
08/19/2016 8:27:48 AM PDT
by
Rummyfan
(Let us now try liberty.)
To: Lucky9teen
OK, this Native American wanted a better life for his son than growing up on the rez and getting drunk every night.
So he sent him to a trade school where he learned to be an electrician.
The Indian was proud of his boy so he took him and his certificate as a qualified electrician to see the chief and show them off.
The chief read the certificate, grunted and finally said,
“Hey, this is great! I’m wondering—I go to the outhouse at night and I’m stumbling around. One night I almost fell in. Do you think you could fix it up with a light?”
And the young brave said, no problem.
Word traveled, and he became known as the first Indian to wire a head for reservations.
52
posted on
08/19/2016 8:40:49 AM PDT
by
Rummyfan
(Let us now try liberty.)
To: Scythian_Reborn
53
posted on
08/19/2016 8:52:48 AM PDT
by
TADSLOS
(Vote Trump. Defeat the Clinton Crime Syndicate. Reset America.)
To: PROCON
54
posted on
08/19/2016 8:57:24 AM PDT
by
TADSLOS
(Vote Trump. Defeat the Clinton Crime Syndicate. Reset America.)
To: upchuck
It was a very emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers
Everyone had a bawl at the reception.
55
posted on
08/19/2016 9:07:07 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning, and I believe God isn't done yet. TCruz)
To: TADSLOS
56
posted on
08/19/2016 9:13:46 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning, and I believe God isn't done yet. TCruz)
To: Rummyfan
57
posted on
08/19/2016 9:22:04 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning, and I believe God isn't done yet. TCruz)
To: cartan
58
posted on
08/19/2016 9:33:18 AM PDT
by
Lucky9teen
(God's blessing has been on America from the very beginning, and I believe God isn't done yet. TCruz)
To: Lucky9teen
59
posted on
08/19/2016 9:44:51 AM PDT
by
TADSLOS
(Vote Trump. Defeat the Clinton Crime Syndicate. Reset America.)
To: xp38
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