When the men try to help, they are often brow-beaten about the substandard way the first attempt was done until the mother, in exasperation, just takes over and does it herself.
Message sent to the husband: You’ll never do this to my expectations so why bother trying? The husband quickly learns if he does a crappy job, she won’t call on him the next time.
Self-fulfilling prophecies all around.
She then gets the ego boost that she’s a better parent than he is and must truly be the better person.
Here’s an idea. Go to HIS job one day and be asked out of the blue to do part of his job with very little instruction and no patience then get lectured on every little thing that wasn’t done the way everyone else wants it done but you weren’t told and see how stupid and clueless you look.
That’s what mothers often do to fathers and then they can go off and tell the other mothers how inept or useless hubby is. All because she set him up for failure.
If you really want Daddy to do a better job around the house, praise and reward his work. Give small, incremental correction if he’s not doing it right and thank him for any extra effort shown above the last time.
Or you can just continue the martyr act.
Often? OFTEN??? REALLY???
Try ALL THE BLOODY TIME!!!
Too right I got bloody tired of being told how unworthy My meagre efforts were worth whenever I attempted to help about the house.
You instantly dismiss the efforts I put forth towards helping you towards whatever goal you are working towards, too right I am not going to feel encouraged when you treat My efforts with such contempt.
Have fun then. *snort*
“When the men try to help, they are often brow-beaten about the substandard way the first attempt was done until the mother, in exasperation, just takes over and does it herself.”
As the guy, I have felt that. Usually with the dish washer and putting the dishes away. I would go “on strike” for awhile, but then would go back to loading and unloading.
Now I just do it regardless of any complaints, and if I can’t remember where something gets put back I leave it out on the counter.
She does call me at work when it comes to anything cloth-washing related. “So what can I use to get chocolate and coffee out of a red shirt??!!”