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Ladies and Gentlemen, The committee was honored to receive many outstanding architectural submissions for the Obama Presidential Library. Entries were received from highly accomplished architects and photoshoppers from around the world. The submissions ranged from splendid spiral shaped structures to dazzling buildings with white Arabic domes decorated in gold. It was most difficult to choose from among these fine submissions. However, in weighing its final decision, the committee felt that the library's design should closely match President Obama's own vision for America. We know that President Obama has always longed to see our great colonial and Christian nation humbled. He sought to transform the nation by opening wide our borders and welcoming all comers -- peaceful and jihadist Muslims alike. His dream was for America to be a gathering place where Marxist redistribution of wealth would be fully realized. He longed for a nation where Americans would have no need for either guns or police. Mexican drug lords and their gangs would rule the streets of America with their AK-47s and keep the peace to ensure heroin was widely available for our citizens. Bitter clingers to religion would be educated by the federal government to shake off their ancient beliefs and worship the almighty State instead. President Obama also envisioned a glorious America where Obamaphone dimwits would never have to worry about working for a living. People could sit at home on the couches, drink sodas and watch the NFL and Geraldo all day. And government checks would arrive in their mailboxes reliably every 1st day of the month, government shutdowns being outlawed. And staying true to his Kenyan father's dreams of anti-colonial and anti-rich justice for America, we decided the design for the Obama Presidential Library should be awarded to a humble builder of tin shacks from the largest slum in Kenya. The new library, to be erected on the southern border of our nation — and bordered by the Great Trump Wall — shall be called the Obama Hellhole Presidential Library.
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