My girlfriend and I worked on this response together. . .
Dear proud American in Canada,
This sounds so trite, but please do not think that by saying this, that this is my intent. Suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems.
Your black lab, Ellie, would be distraught if you did something to yourself. In addition, your husband will definitely need some emotional support while going thru his heart surgery. I am certain he will likely do well, as the physicians have this down to a fine science; and have perfected it since it was first performed since WWII.
Do you know of any good handymen/neighbors that can assist you with your home? At times, I have had to trade my professional services for someone’s trade. Perhaps there is someone in your neighborhood who needs a living will or trust set up for their family and/or family members that you can barter and have someone repair your home. These are solutions you can provide in exchange for the work you need done.
Do you have a date scheduled for the dept of motor vehicles as yet? I would contact them and explain the reason why you need to move your appointment schedule to renew your driver’s license as soon as possible due to family hardship. If they won’t, I would then call a discharge coordinator at the hospital, who is usually a Registered Nurse, to inquire about transporation services in your area to get your husband to and from the hospital and physician appointments post operatively while you are attempting to arrange an appt with motor vehicles to obtain your license again.
I have heard that “cutters” feel a great sense of relief from the pressures of everyday life, when they cut themselves. However, this is still not a healthy way to deal with stress. Neither is playing with guns, taking drugs, drinking, gambling, over eating, you name it. It is all the knee jerk reaction to stress.
Is there anyone you can call to discuss and destress yourself? A good friend who will just listen? Sometimes you just have to let it all out, as it were. Bad things happen to good people. I would encourage you to contact a crisis line in your area…..they have experience in having crisis personnel to assist you while you are bearing such a load. Many times, inertia occurs because there is so much to do, that you don’t know what to do first. Rome wasn’t conquered in a day, remind yourself of that. one step at a time, one minute at a time. sometimes it just has to be this way. again, its transitory……please remind yourself of this.
Proud American, my girlfriend suffers from depression and has described her life as various shades of blue……sometimes a very light, bright sky blue, and then sometimes as inky as a night sky, all enveloping, like she is being swallowed whole. Again, she has to remind herself on her darkest days, that there will be light. and yes, it could be a train at the end of that tunnel, but in the meantime, she will keep going on those tracks until she can figure it out.
Who knows? It may be the Watchman coming to help!!
Stress can cause chemical imbalances in the brain. . . perhaps you should have some actual tests done to see if your problems are not something that can be helped by adjusting those imbalances. You might be surprised. I know that none of us want to find we have a problem that drugs might help. . . but it is better than taking one’s life. Counseling can be a big help too.
You’ve called out for help and we hope we have given you some in our small way.
We hold out the best hopes for you. . . and pray for you too. We are convinced that the world is a better place with Proud American in Canada still walking on it. . . and not in the ground. Keep walking, please.
Swordmaker and Kathy.
Good post.