An attorney passed on and found himself in Heaven, but was not at all happy with his accommodations.
He complained to Saint Peter, who told him his only course of action was to appeal. The lawyer immediately appealed and was told it would take 3 years to hear his appeal. The attorney protested that this was unconscionable, but to no avail.
The lawyer was then approached by the devil who told him that he could have the appeal heard within a few days if the lawyer would change the venue to Hell.
When the lawyer asked why appeals were heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told “We have all the judges.”
A judge was annoyed to find that his car wouldn’t start. He called a taxi, and soon one arrived at his house.
Climbing in, he told the driver to take him to the halls of justice. “Where are they,” asked the driver.
“You mean to say that you don’t know where the courthouse is?” asked the incredulous judge.
“The courthouse? Of course I know where that is.” replied the driver. “But I thought you said you wanted to go to the ‘halls of justice.’
An engineer died and approached the pearly gates. Unfortunately for him, heaven’s IT department had just upgraded to Windows 8 and nobody could figure out how to use the software. With a bit of clicking and screen-poking St. Peter finally announced the sad fact to the engineer that he was destined for the other place and dispatched him forthwith.
Fifthwith (or even later) St. Peter was informed it was a mistake and was asked to contact Hell for the return of the mis-directed engineer.
“Are you kidding me?” Satan asked. “The guy’s amazing. He’s already put in air-conditioning that’s reduced the temperature down here to a reasonable 112 degrees and it’s getting cooler by the minute. He’s put in escalators on all the tall peaks and he’s arranged for my stretch to get almost 30 mpg. There’s no way I’m sending him back.”
St. Peter replied, “You’d better send him back.”
Satan replied, “Or what?”
St. Peter said, “Or I’ll sue.”
“Oh, yeah?” Satan asked. “Where are you gonna get a judge?”