A highway patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name
“Fred,” he replies
“Fred what?” the officer asks
“Just Fred,” the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it.
“Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?”
The biker replies, “It’s a long story, so stay with me. I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.”
“Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am just Fred.”
The officer walked away in tears, laughing.
Oldie:
Two Mexicans have been lost in the desert for weeks. At death’s door, they see a tree in the distance. As they get nearer, they see that it’s draped with rasher upon rasher of bacon: smoked bacon, crispy bacon, life-giving nearly-raw juicy bacon, all sorts of bacon.
“Hey, Pepe” says the first Mexican, “ees a bacon tree! We’re saved!!”
So Pepe goes on ahead and runs up to the tree. As he gets to within five feet, he’s gunned down in a hail of bullets.
His friend drops down on the sand and calls across to the dying Pepe.
“Pepe!! Pepe!! Que pasa hombre?”
With his last breath Pepe calls out:
“Ugh, run, amigo, run, ees not a bacon tree... ... ees a ham bush!”
COPPER COATED MICROCHIP IMPLANT ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO SPEAK TO GOD
The implant is specifically designed to be injected in the forehead.
When properly installed, it will instantly allow the terrorist to speak to God.
It comes in various sizes: Generally from .223 to ..50 cal.
The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly skilled technician, who will also make the injection.
No Anesthetic is required.
The implant is likely to be painless. Side effects, like headaches, nausea, aches or pains are extremely temporary.
Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site. In most cases, you won’t even notice it
