Posted on 09/19/2014 5:48:30 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
How not to use a treadmill. Funny.
http://cdnapi.kaltura.com/index.php/extwidget/openGraph/wid/0_u0r71mg5
JEWISH MOTHER
The year is 2020 and the United States has elected the first
woman as well as the first Jewish president, Susan Goldfarb. She calls up
her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, So, Mom, I
assume youll be coming to my inauguration?
I dont think so. Its a ten hour drive, your father
isnt as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.
Dont worry about it Mom, Ill send Air Force One to pick
you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up
at your door.
I dont know. Everybody will be so fancy-schmantzy, what on earth
would I wear?
Susan replies, Ill make sure you have a wonderful gown custom-made by
the best designer in New York.
Honey, Mom complains, you know I cant eat those rich
foods you and your friends like to eat.
The President-to-be responds, Dont worry Mom. The entire
affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher
all the way. Mom, I really want you to come.
So Mom reluctantly agrees and on January 20, 2021,
Susan Goldfarb is being sworn in as President of the United States. In
the front row sits the new Presidents mother, who leans over to a
senator sitting next to her and says, You see that woman over there
with her hand on the Torah, becoming President of the United States??
The Senator whispers back, Yes, I do.
Mom says proudly, Her brother is a doctor.
If you are a Facebook user, you can change the language on your page, so everything reads like pirate speak. Just scroll to the bottom of your page, on the right side, click English and a box will pop up with different languages...choose English Pirate. It’s pretty cool.
I don't FB but I do need something to change my language. It is usually "blue" when watching Mullah Obama.
In an alignment shop in Dalhart, you just made the technician s day. And mine.
Two Pirates
Two pirates are sitting in a bar one stool apart drinking their grog.
Pirate #1 makes eye contact with Pirate #2 and says:
“I notice that you have a peg leg. How’d ya lose it?”
“Shark” replies Pirate #2.
A few moments pass and then Pirate #2 asks:
“I notice you have a hook on your right arm.How’d ya lose it?”
“Shark” replies Pirate #1.
“I also see that you are wearin’ an eye patch” says Pirate #2.”How’d ya lose yer eye?”
“Seagull” replies Pirate #1.
“SEAGULL ??” Pirate #2 loudly responds, “That’s NOT a a very MANLY way to lose yer eye!!”
Pirate #1 responds:
“Well let me explain. I was up on deck at sunrise with one of the most beautiful mornin’ skies I have ever seen in my whole pirate life.”
“There were beautiful puffy clouds, calm seas, seaguls flying over head and I could not stop lookin’ skyward at the beauty of it all, when out of nowhere one of the seagulls cut lose with one of the biggest loads of bird droppings I had ever seen and got me RIGHT in my right eye.”
“...and it was like only the second day with my new hook...”
Oh, dang. < snif >
You’re awesome, thanks for doing this every week!
Yeah...but how many calories did he burn? LOL!
CONGRATULATIONS!
YOUR SCORE IS: 10 OUT OF 10 ON THE CONSTITUTION FACTS QUIZ!
YOUR CONSTITUTION I.Q. IS: GENIUS
THE AVERAGE SCORE FOR PEOPLE FROM OK IS 7.24
THE AVERAGE SCORE NATIONALLY IS 7.30
Thanks for that pic of the hot air balloon. I knew about it and wanted to include that because it’s perfect, but couldn’t find it.
LOL!!! How appropriate!
Marcel Adams. “These Biscuits Will Bless Your Soul!”
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