***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something.

If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?

Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?

Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?

Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican?

Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"

The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn't."

The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Polish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Polish?"

The clerk replied, "Because you're in Home Depot."

BACK UP AS FAR AS YOU CAN

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.

The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”

Some Things Aren't What They Seen

A guy was driving along a country road and noticed a farmer standing in the middle of his field in the pouring rain. He thought he might be in trouble so he stopped his car and went over and asked if he was okay.

The farmer said, "Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm just trying to win a Nobel prize."

The other guy was really confused. "How exactly?" he asked the farmer.

The farmer answers, "I heard they give it to people who are outstanding in their field."

A while ago a new supermarket opened in Ajax, Ontario.

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.

Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and there is the scent of freshly mowed hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions..

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens clucking and cackling, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread and cookies.

I don’t buy toilet paper there anymore.Hat tip to Loud Mime

An illegal immigrant Mexican, an Arab, and a Texas girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass
in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, ‘In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don’t need
to drink with the same one twice.’

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer
(’cuz he’s a Muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his
AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, ‘In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make
glasses that we don’t need to drink with the same one twice either.’

The Texas girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer,
downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her
45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab.

Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,
‘In Texas , we have so many illegal aliens that we don’t have to
drink with the same ones twice.’

Welcome to 2014....

• Our Phones – Wireless

• Cooking – Fireless

• Cars – Keyless

• Food – Fatless

• Tires –Tubeless

• Dress – Sleeveless

• Youth – Jobless

• Leaders – Shameless

• Relationships – Meaningless

• Attitudes – Careless

• Babies – Fatherless

• Feelings – Heartless

• Education – Valueless

• Children – Mannerless

• Country – Godless

We are SPEECHLESS,

Congress is CLUELESS,

I’m scared - sh!tless *

GOD HELP US !

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Things aren't always what they appear to be