Early one morning, an elderly retired Navy pilot yelled to his wife, "Honey! Come see what I created! It's an abstract panorama depicting the six years of the Obama presidency!"
She yelled back, "Flush the toilet and come eat your breakfast."
but the penalty for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.
I've noticed that the Democrats put them on the rear bumper and Republicans put them on the front bumper.
"Well," Sean replied, "between you and me, we got 'em all."
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay
"Any thing at all, my love", the guy said overcome with remorse.
"Oh, I don't know," she replied, "you really don't have to do this, you know. But if you insist, just get me something really expensive that I don't need."
The following day he booked her for chemotherapy.
Yea!!! It’s Friday!!
THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES HIGH SCHOOL MATH PROFICIENCY EXAM
1. Johnny has an AK-47 with a 30 round clip. He usually misses 6 out of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many drive-by shootings can Johnny attempt before he has to reload?
2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
3. Rufus pimps 3 ho’s. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Rufus’s $800 per day crack habit?
4. Jerome wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make 20% profit. How many ounces will he need?
5. Willie gets $200 for a stolen BMW, $150 for stealing a Corvette, and $100 for a 4x4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4x4’s, how many more Corvettes must he have to steal to have $900?
6. Raoul got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out? Extra credit bonus: How much more time will he get for killing the ho that spent his money?
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with 3 eight ounce cans of spray paint with 20% paint free?
8. Hector knocked up 3 girls in the gang. There are 27 girls in his gang. What is the exact percentage of girls Hector knocked up?
9. Bernie is a lookout for the gang. Bernie has a boa constrictor that eats 3 small rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat. If Bernie makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can he feed the boa on one week’s income?
10. Billy steals Joe’s skateboard. As Billy skates away at 35 mph, Joe loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Joe 20 seconds to load his magnum, how far away will Billy be when he gets whacked?
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF
TOP 20!!!!!
Good Morning!
CAIR will be whining about this thread.
Top of the Morning!
Top Off!
Top Shelf!
Top of the World!
Parangaricutirimicuaro!!
IN!
Hillary”s accomplishments
This quote reflects the level of her accomplishments… NONE!!!!
Quote of the day, no, of the week, make that month. Yet it probably is quote of the year! No. DECADE. Wait a minute. It’s the greatest quote ever!
“My accomplishments as Secretary of State? Well, I’m glad you asked! My proudest accomplishment in which I take the most pride, mostly because of the opposition it faced early on, you know… the remnants of prior situations and mindsets that were too narrowly focused in a manner whereby they may have overlooked the bigger picture and we didn’t do that and I’m proud of that. Very proud. I would say that’s a major accomplishment.”
- Hillary Clinton 11 March 2014
Could someone please tell me what the hell she just said? And she is running for President?
AN ILLEGAL POEM
By Illegal immigrants
I cross river,
Poor and broke,
Take bus,
See employment folk.
Nice man
Treat me good in there,
Say I need
Go see Welfare.
Welfare say,
‘You come no more,
We send cash
Right to your door.’
Welfare checks,
They make you wealthy,
Medicaid
It keep you healthy!
By and by,
Got plenty money,
Thanks to you,
TAXPAYER dummy.
Write to friends
In motherland,
Tell them
‘come, fast as you can’
They come in buses
And Chevy trucks,
buy big house
With welfare bucks.
They come here,
We live together,
More welfare checks,
It gets better!
Fourteen families,
They moving in,
But neighbor’s patience
Wearing thin.
Finally, white guy
Moves away,
buy his house,
And then I say,
‘Find more aliens
For house to rent.’
In my yard
I put a tent.
Send for family
They just trash,
But they, too,
Draw welfare cash!
Everything
Very good,
Soon we own
Whole neighborhood..
We have hobby
It called breeding,
Welfare pay
For baby feeding.
Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!
TAXPAYER crazy!
He pay all year,
To keep welfare
Running here.
We think America
Darn good place!
Too darn good
For white man race.
If they no like us,
They can go,
Got lots of room
In Mexico .
SEND THIS TO EVERY TAXPAYER YOU KNOW
You can laugh all you want if you think it’s funny, but the bottom line is that it will bankrupt America even worse than it already has. WE HAVE GOT TO HOLD OUR ELECTED “REPRESENTATIVES” ACCOUNTABLE INSTEAD OF WATCHING THEM FEATHER THEIR OWN NESTS AND CARRY ON AS IF IT’S NOT A PROBLEM!!
