Posted on 07/31/2014 1:54:53 PM PDT by Morgana
It’s pretty depressing when you realize that, in 2014, many people seem to think that destruction of human dignity is a small price to pay for an orgasm.
I suppose when I write a column about a book that just sold its 100 millionth copy I shouldn’t be surprised when I get a bit of a kickback. But I have to say—I wasn’t expecting hundreds of commenters, many saying they were Christian, to come out loudly defending the porn novel 50 Shades of Grey, often tastelessly interspersed with details from their own sex lives.
People squawked that we “shouldn’t judge” those who practice bondage, domination, sadism and masochism (BDSM), and informed me that “no one gets hurt” and that it “isn’t abuse” and said that it was “just fantasy” (as if we have a separate brain and body for fantasy).
Meanwhile, not a single commenter addressed one of the main arguments I laid out—that with boys watching violent porn and girls being socialized to accept violence and torture inside of a sexual relationship, we have created a toxic situation in which people very much are being hurt.
In response to the defenders of this trash, let me make just a few points.
Not all consent is equal.
People keep trumpeting this stupid idea that just because someone consents to something or allows something to happen, it isn’t abusive.
But if someone consents to being beaten up, punched, slapped, whipped, called disgusting and degrading names, and have other things done to them that I will choose not to describe here, does that make it any less abusive? It makes it legal (perhaps, but it certainly doesn’t make it any less disgusting or violent.
Anyone who works with victims of domestic and sexual assault will tell you that just because someone permits something to happen or doesn’t extricate themselves from a situation doesn’t mean it isn’t, in fact, abuse. Only when it comes to sex are people starting to make this argument, so that they can cling to their fetishes and justify their turn-ons. Those women who defend the book because they think it spiced up their sex life are being incredibly selfish and negligent, refusing to think about how this book could affect other women in different situations, as well as young and impressionable girls. Advertisement
In the words of renowned porn researcher and sociologist Dr. Gail Dines:
In his book on batterers, Lundy Bancroft provides a list of potentially dangerous signs to watch out for from boyfriends. Needless to say, Christian [Grey of 50 Shades of Grey] is the poster boy of the list, not only with his jealous, controlling, stalking, sexually sadistic behavior, but his hypersensitivity to what he perceives as any slight against him, his whirlwind romancing of a younger, less powerful woman, and his Jekyll-and-Hyde mood swings. Any one of these is potentially dangerous, but a man who exhibits them all is lethal.
The most likely real-world ending of Fifty Shades of Grey is fifty shades of black and blue. The awful truth in the real world is that women who partner with a Christian Grey often end up hightailing it to a battered women's shelter with traumatized kids in tow. The less fortunate end up in graveyards.
50 Shades of Grey normalizes intimate partner violence…
…and sickeningly, even portrays it as romantic and erotic. Amy Bonomi, Lauren Altenburger, and Nicole Walton published an article on the impact of 50 Shades last year in the Journal of Women’s Health. Their conclusions are intuitive and horrifying:
While intimate partner violence (IPV) affects 25% of women and impairs health, current societal conditions—including the normalization of abuse in popular culture such as novels, film, and music—create the context to support such violence.
Emotional abuse is present in nearly every interaction, including: stalking (Christian deliberately follows Anastasia and appears in unusual places, uses a phone and computer to track Anastasia’s whereabouts, and delivers expensive gifts); intimidation (Christian uses intimidating verbal and nonverbal behaviors, such as routinely commanding Anastasia to eat and threatening to punish her); and isolation (Christian limits Anastasia’s social contact). Sexual violence is pervasive—including using alcohol to compromise Anastasia’s consent, as well as intimidation (Christian initiates sexual encounters when genuinely angry, dismisses Anastasia’s requests for boundaries, and threatens her). Anastasia experiences reactions typical of abused women, including: constant perceived threat (“my stomach churns from his threats”); altered identity (describes herself as a “pale, haunted ghost”); and stressful managing (engages in behaviors to “keep the peace,” such as withholding information about her social whereabouts to avoid Christian’s anger). Anastasia becomes disempowered and entrapped in the relationship as her behaviors become mechanized in response to Christian’s abuse.
Our analysis identified patterns in Fifty Shades that reflect pervasive intimate partner violence—one of the biggest problems of our time. Further, our analysis adds to a growing body of literature noting dangerous violence standards being perpetuated in popular culture.
Really? Sadism?
I notice that commenters rarely break down what the acronym “BDSM” actually stands for: bondage, domination, sadism, and masochism. If they did, they could no longer make the repulsive claim that “love” or “intimacy” have anything to do with it.
The definition of sadism is “enjoyment that someone gets from being violent or cruel or from causing pain, especially sexual enjoyment from hurting or punishing someone…a sexual perversion in which gratification is obtained by the infliction of physical or mental pain on others.”
As one of my colleagues noted, we used to send sadists to a therapist or to prison, not to the bedroom. And 100 million copies of this porn novel have been unleashed on our society informing people that getting off on hurting someone is romantic and erotic. It is a brutal irony that people who scream about water-boarding terrorists are watching and experimenting with sexual practices far more brutal. As one porn researcher noted, some online BDSM porn promotes practices and behaviors that would be considered unlawful under the Geneva Convention if they were taking place in a wartime context.
It seems the Sexual Revolutionaries have gone from promoting “safe sex” to “safe words”—just in case the pain gets too rough. And none of them seem to be volunteering information on just how a woman is supposed to employ a safe word with a gag or bondage headgear on.
But who cares, right? Just one more casualty on our culture’s new Sexual Frontier.
“It’s just fiction and fantasy and has no effect on the real world!”
That’s total garbage and they know it. I’ve met multiple girls who were abused like this inside of relationships. Hotels are offering “50 Shades of Grey” packages replete with the helicopter and private suites for the proceedings. According to the New York Post, sales of rope exploded tenfold after the release of the book. Babeland reported that visits to the bondage section of their website spiked 81%, with an almost 30% increase in the sale of things like riding crops and handcuffs.
I could go on, but I won’t. As Babeland co-founder Claire Cavanah noted, “It’s like a juggernaut. You’d be surprised to see how very ordinary these people are who are coming in. The book is just an explosion of permission for them to try something new in the bedroom.”
What does this book and the BDSM movement say about the value of women and girls?
I’d like the defenders of this book to try stop thinking with their nether-regions for just a moment and ask themselves a few simple questions: What does sadism and sexual torture (consensual or not) say to our culture about the value of girls? What does it say to boys about how they should treat girls? The youth of today are inundated with porn and sexually violent material—is nobody—nobody—at all worried about the impact this has on them? On the girls who are being abused by boys who think this is normal behavior—and think it is normal themselves?
Dr. Gail Dines relates that when speaking to groups of women who loved the book, they all grow deathly silent when she asks them two simple questions: Would you want your daughter to be in a relationship with Christian Grey? Would you want your son to turn into Christian Grey?
If the answer is yes to either of those, someone should call social services.
__
This book and the sadism it promotes are an assault on human dignity, and most of all an assault on the worth and value of girls and women. Please consider the impact you will have on your daughters and the vulnerable and confused people around you when you read and promote this book. Anastasia Steele is, thankfully, a fictional character. But real girls are facing these expectations and demands from a culture that elevates a sexual sadist to the level of a romantic hero. Ask yourselves if you want their “love” and “intimacy” to include sadism and domination, or real respect.
Because you can’t have both.
********************************
Exactly right.
Now, your use of acronyms certainly indicates that YOU have decided this and your other comments on this thread indicate that YOU support this agenda.
So you are saying that in order to fit in with the conservative ideals we need to toe the line and use words like homo, fudge packer and faggot?
Sounds legit./s
My wife has read this book , and she is no feminazi.
She did say that she felt the book was written by a child who seemed to grab attention to make money.
In the end she thinks it’s just complete garbage.
I'm sure you were taught that, but married men and women isn't the topic of discussion.
So you are saying that in order to fit in with the conservative ideals we need to toe the line and use words like homo, fudge packer and faggot?
Nope, I'm saying that using acronyms that are heavily promoted by the left to advance the homosexual agenda tends to indicate that a person isn't a conservative.
When porno is embraced by so many "Christians" the horse is out of the barn and already way, way, over the hill.
"Soft" porn is just another one of the many popular "Soft" denials of Christ.
what this article is saying is that women who enjoy bondage or whatever strange crap people enjoy when it comes to that kind of sex are being abused. I don’t buy into that.
As to the second part: or it could just mean that fudge packer doesn’t roll off the tongue naturally.
Yes, bondage IS abusive. Some people may enjoy being abused, that doesn't make it right.
As to the second part: or it could just mean that fudge packer doesn’t roll off the tongue naturally.
What SPECIFICALLY is YOUR agenda here? You've been a member of FR for a long time, but have relatively few posts and almost all of them are about movies, TV shows, celebrities, etc. All quite suspicious.
This article is directed toward Christians.
Yes, exactly.
Another movie about people with First World Problems.
Sounds legit./s "
Not at all. "Queer" works just fine for me. I find it a heck of a lot more legit than covering up perversion by calling it "gay."
same here. I refuse to call them gay. To me they hijacked that positive word and attached it to their agenda, thus making their agenda nice, warm , and cuddly.
They’re either homosexuals or queers, but not gay.
as to the headline:
Why would any kind of Christian want to read pseudo-pedo rape fantasy porn??
Lysistrata. Kama Sutra. de Sade. Etc...
This didn’t start with 50 Shades of Badly Written Tripe.
I commend your super sleuthing ability. I also appreciate your ability to tag everyone on a post specifically directed to you to help you gang pile on a poster with whom you don’t agree. I suppose my agenda on THIS thread is to point out that just because someone doesn’t use a specific term to label a fudge packer doesn’t mean they aren’t toeing the line. You look like an ass questioning everyone’s motives. I think it’s childish especially when it’s paired with your need to tag everyone on a post to you as well as your need to look your nose down at anyone who prefers a Walking Dead thread to one of the 300 ebola threads. Good day.
Yep, I’m not going to play their game.
They also hijacked the rainbow, an image God created to symbolize His covenant with the earth.
If it's none of our business, then they need to shut the heck up about what they do in the privacy of their own bedroom.
If they don't want my opinion about it, they need to stop rubbing in my face.
So, since you are on their side, I'm going to start telling you about my Jesus and how He can and wants to save you.
Oh, and IBTZ
But this book isn't about what two consenting married adults do in their bedroom.
Additionally, if what they do in the privacy of their bedroom is nobody else's business, then they need to shut the heck up and keep it that way.
I don't WANT to know what they're doing and I don't want them flaunting it and rubbing it in my face.
Y'all are right. Threads like this bring out the porn supporters like moths to a flame.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.