He already knows.
Posted on 06/27/2014 2:36:24 PM PDT by nickcarraway
ear Demetria:
I am the mother of two. I have an amazing husband and father to my children. The last child is not his, and he is unaware. His best friend and I had a one-night stand two years ago when my hubby was out of town. I can’t bring myself to come clean.
I just started going to therapy about this. The guilt is making me miserable. I feel honesty would break our whole family apart. I'm afraid to find out what my husband may do. —Anonymous
My grandmother had a saying about truth: “What’s done in the dark will always come to the light.” You’ve been carrying some huge secrets, and despite trying to ignore and avoid them, they’ve come to the forefront of your mind nearly three years later with a crippling vengeance that’s making you miserable.
I’m glad you’re in therapy. That’s a good starting point. If you have a good therapist, she or he will help you find the courage to “come clean,” as you put it, and tell your husband the truth about your affair and the child that resulted from it. It’s not the easy thing to do, but it is the right course of action here for everyone involved, including you.
Your husband deserves to know the truth, and sooner rather than later.
(Excerpt) Read more at theroot.com ...
I think, possibly depending on the state, that poor guy is on the hook for child support no matter what. There is a narrow window to be able to opt out once you find out the child is not yours. That period has past and that guy is on the hook till that kid turn 18.
Yes,you should...if you want him to divorce you and disown the child.Or worse.Think of it this way,sweetie.*He* informs *you* that he’s fathered a child with another woman while married to you.Would *you* be thrilled? Even slightly?
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Agreed. There's a very good chance that the woman's husband will be a better father to this child than the man who slept with this selfish woman.
One thing to consider, as the child grows older, it could become obvious who the father really is. I know of a case where that actually happened.
Every day that the truth is not told, the wife is stealing from her husband and child. What is she stealing? Their right to make informed decisions, and their right to award her/ his friend with respect, trust and confidence based on the truth. She is taking from herself the ability to maintain an honest relationship, and it is already chipping away at her conscience.
Yup,I remember it well.I was in my teens at the time,rather sheltered and naive and didn't have the first clue either.That is...until we got out first color TV.And then I had an "aha" moment.
Hindsight is twenty twenty. When she volunteered to open her legs to have unprotected sex, all she wanted was a orgasm. If that was all she did, maybe she could keep her mouth shut. But she a kid now and it ain’t her husbands. The Child has to be taken care of and it’s her responsibility and the fathers. If the husband wants to help, ok. If not, and she keeps it a secret..then the child suffers now or later.
Cheaters rarely cheat only once. If she isn’t honest enough to ‘fess up, she will likely cheat again. Take Bill Clinton as an example. Her husband deserves better. I would divorce her, but he may be a more forgiving man than I am. The truth is almost always the right thing. She should tell it and let the chips fall where they may. If her husband is truly “Amazing” as she claims, he deserves better than her.
She could have had an orgasm with the husband but she cheated on him instead. This decision was not about sex, she deliberately chose to cheat on her husband.
Ahhh...I will quote the Protestant pastor who was giving advice to the married sailors on my navy ship as we approached San Diego on our return trip from the Persian Gulf (including stops in the Philippines). I was single at the time.
“Some of you may have done some things you are embarrassed of or regret while deployed. Some of you may feel like you should tell your spouses what you did.
I would ask you, what good would that do now? What would telling your spouse accomplish? What are you trying to accomplish by telling your spouse?”
In short....the only person harmed right now...is the cheater. They are forced to live with theor actions. If they actually feel remorse and are no longer cheating....and there is no l dial reason for the child or non-parent to onow about the “one night stand”.....then telling everyone only ruins two or three more lives when only the cheating mother should be suffering.
I’m guessing that he already knows what she’s about. Rubbing his nose in it won’t help keep their marriage together, nor will it help their children.
Amen.
Now visualize the conversation if a result came back which showed the child could not possibly be the kid of the official father.
It's better to 'fess up than to be found out.
One is a, “wonderful husband and father, the other slept with his best friend’s wife.” You do the math.
Was he black?
Exactly right.
Well, if he already knows it, her apologizing and accepting responsibility won’t cause him to leave. He might use it against her later and destroy the marriage that way.
Does the other man know? Best I would think to keep your mouth shut.
He already knows.
Why cast aspersions on the husband?
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