Posted on 05/23/2014 5:38:26 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.
He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ruthless.
Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?...
A. German Shepherds.
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.
Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.
Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.
Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.
Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once..
Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan, The banks were always overflowing.
Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.
Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groan .....)
PS. Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . .. . "He-brews"
Don't argue with idiots...they will pull you down to their level and beat you with experience!
I see the cat. LOL
TGIF!
Thanks for the pings every week.
cheers,
Jim
That took me forever to find! Would not have seen it without the tip.
TOP 10!
Happy friday!
top 15....and thanks to all the vets out there for their service.
Serious Ninja Cat.....May even be a sniper....Either way, you’ll never see it coming....
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim.
I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people.
I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.
I changed my car horn to gun shot sounds.
People move out of the way much faster now.
You can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands.
If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.
Now they drink like their fathers.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone?
That's common sense leaving your body.
I don't like making plans for the day.
Because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I didn't make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row.
h/t Ralph
Brilliant,
That picture is now going around the building. :D
Twenty (or better)!
Top 20.
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