Posted on 05/02/2014 5:35:07 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Just join right in, post your funny pictures, jokes, comments and random humor and it will make every ones day better.
THIS JUST IN...
A public school teacher was arrested today at Tampa International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-Gebra is a problem for us", the Attorney General said. "They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like 'X' and 'Y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns' but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'"
When asked to comment on the arrest, 0bama said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President. It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.
Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped to chat as they returned home from walking their dog. During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.
She said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, Democratic Party members, were standing there so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"
She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people." Her parents beamed with pride! "Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said. "But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!" I told her.
"What do you mean?" she replied.
So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge, and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."
She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"
I said, "Welcome to the Rebublican Party." Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.
A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country. Well, there's a very simple answer.
Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical. Our OIL is located in:
Any Questions?
NO?
Didn't think so.
101?
The Good, the Beer, and the Ugly.
sounds like college now...
Perhaps a sense of silliness?
Let’s try this.....
Socially Unacceptable Humor
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said “You’re pulling my leg.”
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker. Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend, yet.
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went to the thrift shop and got all of her clothes back.
There’s a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I’ve been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles; but at least they drive slowly past schools.
A buddy of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said “How can you tell them apart?” He said “Her brother’s got a mustache.”
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, “I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.” To which she replied, “No, it’s regular people-porn, you sick bastard.
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Iran . I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.
From Russia With Beer
On Her Majesty’s Secret Beer
47 Beers
The Beer Years of Our Lives
Beer of Forgotten Dreams
I, Frankenbeer
The Monuments Beer
300: Beer of an Empire
Captain America: The Winter Beer
X-Men: Beer of Future Past
Timetrip: The Beer of the Viking Witch
That’s all I got...
I get all those—I just don’t get the joke in #63. Can you help me out here?
LMAO!
LMAO! Ok, I’m liking you already.
You must have gone to a government school and flunked English.
The problem is I went to a government school and passed.
You missed the section on a Play On Words.
You were probably the lucky one in that you did not have to take Greek, Latin, French, and English which had no contribution to my success or failure in life to graduate.
OK—now that we’ve explored my failings, can you please explain #53?
LoL,
what do you mean? ... [snort]
Go see a specialist to have your hue setting properly adjusted.
Yippie request granted...
Crouching tiger, hidden beer
The Legend of the shadowless beer
The Forbidden beer
Curse of the Golden beer
The Dark beer
um, a psychologist could learn a lot from these lists.
I would think they would have more fun participating. With the political bent of the majority of psychologists, I don't think that is a valid concern.
Phew, that’s a relief. :)
__________________________
Howl’s moving beer.
kiki’s beer service
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