I’m extremely underwhelmed.
Same here. Underwhelmed.
Me too. Sounds like a beauty pageant contestant's speech.
Essay is pretty much incomprehensible
He is a Democrat voter for life.
Same here. I've got a daughter attending a "low-prestige" state school who can write rings around this.
Her twin sister was not the strongest of writers, but after several writing-intensive courses in her first year of college, she's much better, and again, would produce a higher quality product than this essay.
They've both got my nice high cheekbones.....I could kick myself for not realizing in time how helpful it might have been to their futures to simply check a different box.
I am underwhelmed, too. In fact, mine was better.
He did what a good college admissions essay does. He explained his talent and passion in a way that the colleges could see how he would contribute to their programs and bring them positive recognition. He tied his experiences with music to his goals. He convinced him that once he starts on a path, he follows through. The essay doesn't sound like his dad's secretary or an admissions coach wrote that essay.
Rule #1 of an admissions essay: The college doesn't want to know or care how they'll be good for you. They want to know how the student will be good for them.
How embarrassing for the USA that we have degenerated to this level.