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To: C19fan
Francois Rabelais pretty much wrote the book on things to wipe with, long before the invention of toilet paper. By "book" I actually mean Chapter 13 of his book Gargantua and Pantagruel, written in the 16th century.

Chapter 13 is entitled: "How Gargantua’s wonderful understanding became known to his father Grangousier, by the invention of a torchecul or wipebreech."

Here is a brief excerpt:

Afterwards, in dunging behind a bush, I found a March-cat, and with it I wiped my breech, but her claws were so sharp that they scratched and exulcerated all my perinee. Of this I recovered the next morning thereafter, by wiping myself with my mother’s gloves, of a most excellent perfume and scent of the Arabian Benin. After that I wiped me with sage, with fennel, with anet, with marjoram, with roses, with gourd-leaves, with beets, with colewort, with leaves of the vine-tree, with mallows, wool-blade, which is a tail-scarlet, with lettuce, and with spinach leaves. All this did very great good to my leg. Then with mercury, with parsley, with nettles, with comfrey, but that gave me the bloody flux of Lombardy, which I healed by wiping me with my braguette. Then I wiped my tail in the sheets, in the coverlet, in the curtains, with a cushion, with arras hangings, with a green carpet, with a table-cloth, with a napkin, with a handkerchief, with a combing-cloth; in all which I found more pleasure than do the mangy dogs when you rub them. Yea, but, said Grangousier, which torchecul did you find to be the best? I was coming to it, said Gargantua, and by-and-by shall you hear the tu autem, and know the whole mystery and knot of the matter. I wiped myself with hay, with straw, with thatch-rushes, with flax, with wool, with paper, but,

Who his foul tail with paper wipes,
Shall at his ballocks leave some chips.

You can see the rest of this scatalogical dissertation here.

The things you learn in college.


36 posted on 01/29/2014 8:39:22 AM PST by Maceman
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To: Maceman

What a load of crap.


38 posted on 01/29/2014 8:43:42 AM PST by Jeff Chandler (Obamacare: You can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.)
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To: Maceman

Hilarious!


51 posted on 01/29/2014 9:01:37 AM PST by Albion Wilde (The less a man knows, the more certain he is that he knows it all.)
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To: Maceman

I always knew there was a purpose behind Freshman English...


89 posted on 01/29/2014 1:43:26 PM PST by sauropod (Fat Bottomed Girl: "What difference, at this point, does it make?")
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