That would be ****ing hilarious if it was a reboot, which it’s not. (the PREQUELS SHOULD be rebooted BTW, they could hardly have been worse).
Mark Hamil as “Luke Prime” goes back in time to to Episode 3 to stop a Sith Lord with poor motivations who has also gone back in time.
Thanks to the Sith Lord, Obi Wan dies fighting Vader. Vader, who is uninjured, overthrows Palpatine and turns Yoda to the dark side to be his apprentice.
Luke impersonates Obi-wan and teaches Pine the ways of the force before being mauled to death by a CGI womp rat.
The New Death Star, which was built several years too early and looks like an apple store, destroys Naboo instead of Alderaan. Jar Jar Binks becomes a bitter smuggler, taking over the Han Solo role, even hooking up with Leia (Jennifer Lawrence) instead of Han.
Some Wookies make a cameo, they all have multiple piercings.
Luke 2.0 is inexplicably promoted to Admiral in charge of the rebel fleet and dies kamikazeing his flagship into a Super Star Destroyer.
Leia, with the help of Lando (Johnny Lee Miller), who has inexplicably become White, defeats Vader (still played with negative aplomb by Hayden Christensen) after insisting NO THAT’S NOT TRUE, THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE, when he tells her he’s her father, and then throws a heavily tattooed Darth Yoda down the Death Star reactor shaft.
And that’s it, no scenes in between for character development or anything like that! Cha-ching, blockbuster! Your welcome, Disney. ;D
With the womp rat being played by the powerfully charismatic Channing Tatum, who has to be in every mother****ing movie today.
I just read a long article in GAME INFORMER magazine about the demise of the Lucas Arts video game company, and what yu wrote was a pretty good synopsis of it.
:p
I love it!!!
But, the only man that could make it happen is Eric Jonrosh, “Author, Producer, Actor, Writer, Director, Raconteur, Bon Vivant, Legend, Fabulist”.