That’s true - they are well behaved in public, and we have a lot to learn in some things.
What I see is academic situations where no matter how hard the kid works, it’s never good enough. A- ?? Not good enough. Assumption seems to be that every grade (from 3rd on) is sent directly to Harvard. Kids’ schedules are booked solid to overload with activities, moms are very anxious and controlling about kids’ performances.
With kids born here to immigrant parents, parenting ‘skills’ include - whacking with coathangers, hitting with bats and sticks, striking kids on the back where it won’t show with some sort of bamboo ‘rake.’ These are high-achievement kids in good schools. “That’s how my dad was raised.”
I have also heard from my son, when he was at the local Junior College - ‘The Asian girls want to date (us) white boys; the Asian boys are so totally controlled by their moms that they don’t want to date them.’
Just some other pieces of the puzzle. I believe that a Christian > Buddhist/ Confucian worldview explains a lot of these differences. And the Lotus Eaters are not usually Christian, perhaps?
All of the abuse you cite might work well in China where that is accepted, settled practice. But combine mental and physical abuse with the freedoms these kids see by looking out their window at modern-day America - and you have a recipe for disaster. Not unlike Muslim girls here who want to be free, wear makeup and go to the mall to meet with boys. I’m not saying that it would end up with Chinese honor killings - just a lot of kids who are mixed up and rebellious.