***THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD***

[Lucky9teen]

We're sorry to announce that due to budget cuts the beloved carol "Silver Bells"
will be replaced with the more cost-effective carol "Aluminum Bells."

Can you spot Obama taking a selfie?

Kids and Christmas:

"Santa's Lap"

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

-=+=-

"Christmas Pageant"

Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church.
At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role.
Finally the 14 year old said to her 8 year old younger sister, "Well, you just ask Mom.
She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel."

-=+=-

"The Nativity Scene"

A 7-year old child was drawing a picture of the Nativity.
The picture was very good, including Mary, Joseph and, of course, baby Jesus.
However, there was a fat man standing in the corner of the stable, that just did not seem to fit in.
When the child was asked about it, she replied, "Oh, That's Round John Virgin."

-=+=-

"The Lost Purse"

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping.
It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it.
Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."

[Old Sarge]

17/20 - yay me!

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

I got all of ‘em right! What do I win?

[Heartlander]

Duck Dynasty's Robertson Angers Alcoholics, Philanderers

[upchuck]

[Old Sarge]

I'd like to join Commander Riker in applauding your most excellent post:

[Envisioning]

Flawless Victory...

[exit82]

http://distractify.com/fun/fails/test-answers-that-are-totally-wrong-but-still-genius/

Wrong Test Answers that are Genius........

[exit82]

I got all of ‘em right! What do I win?

Actually, the prize is a pair of Zircon Encrusted Tweezers ;)

[wyokostur]

YAY! Made it to friday!

[Moltke]

Spot the error in the presentation of 20.

[Silentgypsy]

A very Merry Christmas and a Joyful and Prosperous New Year to you, too!

[Lucky9teen]

[Lucky9teen]

NUDE SANTA -——

Scroll down to see the nude Santa...

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For crying out loud. Act your age. There is no Santa!!!

Sometimes I worry about you!

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Better sterilize ‘em first. Here’s my lighter.

[trisham]

The “Christmas sweater”. :)

[Lucky9teen]

[IM2MAD]

Important Holiday Advice

With the Holidays upon us I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving.

As you may know some of us have been known to have brushes with the authorities from time to time on the way home after a “social session” out with friends. Well, two days ago I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit.

That’s when I did something that I’ve never done before - I took a cab home. Sure enough on the way home there was a police road block, but since it was a cab they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident.

This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don’t know where I got it and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it.

[Lucky9teen]

Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged:

SCHIZOPHRENIA - Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY - We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA - I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC - Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA - Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town ... or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA - Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER - You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I’ll tell you why.

DEPRESSION - Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE - Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell...

[Lucky9teen]

For you Star Wars fans...

Luke! I am Father Christmas!

The fight between good and evil, an epic battle: Darth Vader and Luke. Suddenly in the middle of the fight, Darth Vader pulls Luke to him, and whispers “I know what you’re getting for Christmas!”

Luke exclaims “But how??!?”

“It’s true Luke, *breathe* I know what you’re getting for Christmas.”

Luke tries to ignore this, but tears himself free, screaming “How could you know this?!”

Vader replies, “I felt your presents.”

[Pan_Yan]

Good one. I may have to “borrow” that.

Borrow? It's already been stolen, printed out and ready to hand to my Sunday School class in the morning.