One of the first things family members must learn about addicts is that they will always attempt to lay blame on their loved ones. The drunk's or druggie's spouse "makes" them do it -- he or she is always complaining about the drinking or drugs!
Assuming the blame is the worst thing a spouse can do, even though the spouse is often the first person bystanders will blame.
This husband has gone off on his own for many years, probably since before their marriage, developing his sexuality with fantasy partners instead of his real spouse. He has abandoned his responsibilities to communicate with his wife and develop a healthy sexual relationship with her alone through tenderness, experimentation, trial and error, communication and fun. Instead, he has retreated into an adolescent, self-indulgent and imaginary world of power and control, immediate gratification and retreat from insecurities that has addicted him, just as destructive as if a young wife had refused her husband's needs and immersed herself in romance novels and self-pleasuring, or a string of affairs.
Once an addiction has destroyed the addict's power to resist, there are three entities in the marriage, and the third party is not God. The addict's behavior is unfaithful and a betrayal. The husband in this story needs to find a support group, and they do exist, to deal with his addiction. The wife needs to learn about addiction and how best to sort out her life with, or without, the addict.
It's a crushing blow to most people to learn that the happy, healthy family they dreamed of is the equivalent of a cancer patient. The addicted marital partner is undead, and there is no end in sight until the addict begins to fight to overcome, and shows real signs of improvement -- which can take years, a miracle, or both. Even then, there is no guarantee of a continued good outcome, especially if children are also involved.
Same question I asked before.
Do you believe that one of the duties that a wife has to her husband is regular sex?
Agree, disagree?