Posted on 01/18/2013 4:49:51 AM PST by Lucky9teen
"...???...mmmmm could lead to incriminating evidence about alley activities...???..buy stock in mouthwash and sweet onions"
Happy Friday Everyone...Woo-Hoo!
In other flu-related news, sources close to Nancy Pelosi’s office informed this reporter that the House member intends to introduce legislation ensuring that those Americans who get the flu while they are unemployed will have the necessary sick days added to their contracts when they find work. Said one ranking member of Ms. Pelosi’s office, “We just think it’s terribly unfair to get sick when you can’t take off work. Ms. Pelosi is committed to rectifying this injustice and ensuring that every American can miss work when they’re sick.”
A blonde walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I’m horribly sick!”
The doctor looks at her and asks, “Flu?”
“No, I drove here.”
Q: How do you know if you have the Swine Flu?
A1: A small curly tail starts growing at the top of your tailbone!
A2: You start to apply mud instead of suntan lotion
A3: When you out in public you start to snuff for truffles
A4: After your fever breaks you start to smell like bacon!
A5. You emit short snorts between sentences
Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.
Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin c.
Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.
Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.
Wash your hands often. If you cant wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.
Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.
Get plenty of rest.
Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.
OR .
You can take the doctors office approach. Think about it, when you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because alcohol kills germs. So
I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs cant get you!!!!
10 Good Things about the Flu
10. No one wants to come near you.
9. You can legally take sedatives.
8. You realize guests on daytime talk shows have worse lives than you do.
7. You get away with being rude, obnoxious and surly.
6. You can smell like a baboon's butt and nobody complains.
5. You can shlep about the house unwashed and in your housecoat all day.
4. No matter how bad you feel, it's still better than how you felt after last month's tequila 'n' gin party.
3. Star Trek re-runs.
2. Your dog is allowed on the bed.
And the number 1 good thing about the flu ...
1. You get to pass the virus on to those you really dislike.
How could it make a sound??
Scuttlebutt Sez there is a Lance Armstrong
bio-pic in the works ... Broken Lance II - Blood Work -
Charlie Sheen is slated to star ...
Interesting. That revolving tower in Dubai was designed by an Israeli born, Italian based architect.
And government regulation would kill any possible chance of that tower being built in the US.
I think I've finally discovered what Hell is like. Now, when she always tells me I'm wrong, she has Google right there to back her up.
LOL!!! That's one of the best gun control jokes I've heard all week!!!
Wait, that's not a joke site, that's a news site.
Well, you know what they say. Truth is sillier than fiction.
Top 10 Bad Inventions http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gB8RpFODotg
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