(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

1-11-13 | Lucky9teen

[Lucky9teen]

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A guy cruises thru a stop sign and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver’s license, insurance verification, plus his concealed carry permit.

“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the cop says. “I see your CCW permit. Are you carrying today?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Well then, better tell me what you got.”

Smith says, “Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There’s a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I’ve got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot.”

“Okay,” the cop says. “Anything else?”

“Yeah, back in the trunk, there’s an AR15 and a shotgun. That’s about it.”

“Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range...?”

“Nope.”

“Well then, what are you afraid of...?”

“Not a damn thing...”

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Identify this:

This is a picture of:

1.) A 3-year-old's drawing of mountains

2.) Deep thoughts of a suicidal Slinky

3.) An abstract doodle of boobies

4.) Obama's Treasury Secretary nominee's signature

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"Are you a Leftwing, Conservative or A Redneck"?

Here is a little test that will help you decide

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leftwing's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think? What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing!

I need to discuss with some friends over a latte and try to come to a consensus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Conservative's Answer:

BANG!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click....
(sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Daughter:' Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?'

Son:' You got him, Pop! Can I shoot the next one?'

Wife:' You are not taking that to the taxidermist!

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[ArGee]

architect (ARK-u-tekt) n, A container for bacon and beer. Occasionally useful for long meetings discussing building designs when the only other option is going home to a nagging wife.

[ArGee]

[Old Sarge]

[ArGee]

Famous last words of the physicist:
That's impossible!

Famous last words of the engineer:
That should have worked!

Famous last words of the architect:
Well, but it sure was beautiful.

[Hoodat]

Famous last words of the engineer: That should have worked!

lol, you got that right.

[Old Sarge]

LOOK AT THAT - cooler...

[Lazamataz]

[llevrok]

and no harmful to the earth plastics

[Old Sarge]

Just for you...

[llevrok]

TAKE THAT DIXIE FLAG DOWN !!!!

Don’t you know that might offend some people ??? :-)

[r-q-tek86]

“Do you fellas want to wait until the architect is done, or should I just ship him home?”

Okay... I'm an Aggie architect... I just know you are trying to make a funny here... I'm just not getting it.

[Old Sarge]

THIS one is just plain wrong...

[BenLurkin]

So that is why the South Will Rise again!

[ArGee]

So that is why the South Will Rise again!

Is that what you call yours, "The South?"

Not bad, actually.

[ArGee]

[ArGee]

[Monkey Face]

I stuck it in my Undead Thread File! It’s a real keeper!

LOL!

[Monkey Face]

That’s gotta be a photo from a few years ago, here in Vegas...just sayin’...gets a little warm here in the summer, but the cookies sure are good! LOL!

[TheOldLady]

A Scottish Love Song

Johnny be fair
And Johnny be fine
And wants me for to wed

And I would marry Johnny
But my father up and said
I’m sad to tell you daughter
What your mother never knew
But Johnny is a son of mine
And so he’s kin to you

Well Billy be fair
And Billy be fine
And wants me for to wed

And I would marry Billy
But my father up and said
I’m sad to tell you daughter
What your mother never knew
But Billy too is a son of mine
And so he’s kin to you

Well there never was a girl
so sad And sorry as I was
The boys in town are all my kin
And my father is the cause
If things should thus continue
I shall die a single miss
And so I’ll go to mother
And complain to her of this

Oh, Daughter, have a touch to
Forgive and to forget
For though your father sowed his oats
Well still you needn’t fret
Your father may be father to all
The boys in town still
He’s not the one who sired you

So marry whom you will

[BerryDingle]

There was a bit of confusion at the Sporting goods store this morning.
When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun registry people running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions a little clearer!