(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write Santa a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to Santa , USA , they decided to send it to President Obama.

Obama was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank you note to Santa, which read:

Dear Santa: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington , D.C. and that &^%** Obama took $95.00 in taxes!

And now for some cartoons:

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

‘To honour this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘you must each possess in your pockets something that symbolises Christmas to get into Heaven.’

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘This symbolises a candle, lit to remember the Holy Child’, he said.

‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ Saint Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘These symbolise holy church bells, calling the Faithful to worship the New Born Babe.’

Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’.

The Irishman was still drunk from his last night on Earth .... never at his best when asked difficult questions like this one, he started searching desperately through his pockets which were full of betting slips and unpaid parking fines. He finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man aghast!! Shaken, he asked, ‘....and just what about Christmas are those supposed to symbolise?’

The paddy replied, ‘Well’ he said ‘these are Carol’s.’

A woman shopping at her local supermarket selected a quart of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of Romaine lettuce, a 2-lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a shabby drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.

The drunk said, “You must be single.”

The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by his intuition, looked at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her selections, she responded, “Well, as a matter of fact, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?”

The drunk replied, “’Cause you’re ugly.”

There is a new study just released by the American
Psychiatric Association about women & how they feel
about their asses.

The results are pretty shocking:

1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.

2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.

3. The remaining 85% say they don’t care; they love
him, he’s a good man and they would have married him anyway!

Three men walk into a bar: a Frenchman, an Italian and an Irishman. Each orders one beer. Three flys fly into the bar and one fly lands in each man’s beer.

The Italian man plucks the fly out of his beer, says “tutto e bene” (all is well)” and drinks the beer.

The Frenchman shows his beer with the bug still inside it to the bartender and demands another beer.

The Irishman yanks the bug out of the beer, grabs it by it’s wings, shakes it while yelling:

“Cough it up, you wee theivin’ bastard!”

Upside-down Land

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
· You can get arrested for expired tags on your car
but not for being in the country illegally.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
· Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of dollars of debt
is to spend trillions more
of your unborn grandchildren’s money.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
The Supreme Court of the United States can rule
that lower courts cannot display the 10 Commandments
in their courtroom,
while sitting in front of a display of the 10 Commandments.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
· Children are forcibly removed from parents
who appropriately discipline them
while children of “underprivileged” drug addicts
are left to rot in filth infested cesspools.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Working class Americans pay for their own health care (and the health care of everyone else)
while unmarried women are free to have child after child
on the “State’s” dime
while never being held responsible for their own choices.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Hard work and success are rewarded
with higher taxes and government intrusion,
while slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT cards,
WIC checks, Medicaid and subsidized housing.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
The government’s plan for getting people back to work
is to provide 99 weeks of unemployment checks (to NOT work).

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Politicians think that stripping away the amendments
to the constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
The rights of the Government come before the rights
of the individual.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Parents believe the State is responsible
for providing for their children.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
· You pay your mortgage faithfully,
denying yourself the newest big screen TV
while your neighbor defaults on his mortgage (while buying iphones, TV’s and new cars)
and the government forgives his debt and reduces his mortgage
(with your tax dollars).

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you “safe”.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
You have to have your parents signature to go on a school field trip but not to get an abortion.

You know you live in an Upside-down Land if...
An 80 year old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA
but a Muslim woman in a burqai only subject to having her neck and head searched.

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