(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

All these petitions at the whitehouse.gov website asking for states to secede.....it's just silliness. I mean, I agree with the sentiment, but really? You're going to create an account, give them your name and contact info at the whitehouse.gov website and sign something that says you don't like the federal government? Does anyone remember Obama and his secret "kill lists"? It's just silliness, I say. Does anyone think Obama will actually care what these petitions say? Does anyone think anything will be done about it?  Does anyone think this federal government will take this seriously?

Look at some other silly petitions I found at the whitehouse.gov website:

Assist with reinstating Scott “The Torg” Torgerson back on the air at 97.1 The FAN, an ESPN Radio affiliate in Columbus
254 Signatures

Grant refugee status for LGBTQIA people and cut foreign aid until repeal of “Kill the Gays” Bill in Uganda!
1,712 Signatures

Implement a Policy for Declassifying Discoveries by NSA Mathematicians
1,029 Signatures

Force all states to pay their portion of the national debt before they can secede from the union
3,455 Signatures

have the President to attend a Fark.com party. If scheduling does not permit, at least have a beer with Drew Curtis
777 Signatures

Federally Legalize Marijuana
13,768 Signatures

Make Election Day a Federal Holiday in an effort to increase voter accessibility and promote democratic culture
9,113 Signatures

Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America.
17,614 Signatures

Strip the Citizenship from Everyone who Signed a Petition to Secede and Exile Them
10,997 Signatures

sign an executive order barring job discrimination based on sexual orientation & gender identity by federal contractors.
3,339 Signatures

Regulate Internet Pornography
3,936 Signatures

Invite Jacques Fresco of the venus project to the white house as a consultant on rebuilding a sustainable economy.
1,539 Signatures

outlaw offending prophets of major religions
37,167 Signatures

Best Layoff Letter Ever

Dear Employees:
As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.

But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a fairer way to approach this problem.

They voted for change......I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

[ArGee]

I'm still working on how to deal with the latest election.

[ArGee]

Will the Fed bail out Hostess? If it does, will Twinkies have to be reformulated to meet the First Lady's nutrition standards?

[Cowman]

Actually the Red Arrow Diner in Manchester NH makes their own Twinkies. And they are better than the original

[ArGee]

[gymbeau]

Woo Hoo! Top 750!!!
(thanks, as always, for the ping!)
Have a great weekend, FRiends!
cheers,
Jim

[Pride_of_the_Bluegrass]

[Sherman Logan]

To inject a serious note.

Any secession would have to be of a geographical nature, one or more physical sections leaving the country.

But our national division is only relatively slightly geographic in nature. It is ideological. Even in the reddest of red states, at least 1/3 of the populace is towards the blue end, and the same is true in reverse for the blue states.

In 1860/61 secession (as opposed to the ensuing war) proceeded relatively smoothly only because the national division was largely geographically aligned. Even so, the border states, where the division was not geographical, descended into nasty neighbor against neighbor civil war.

Leaving aside that I think secession is a bad idea, I don’t think it is physically possible. Any attempt would result in a true ideological civil war, not the much less destructive region against region type we had in the 1860s.

By all means, let’s replay the Spanish or Russian Civil Wars.

[Currentriverrat]

WOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO TGIF!!!!!
Top 100

[ArGee]

History

[Old Sarge]

I'd like to join Commander Riker in applauding your most excellent post:

[Sherman Logan]

Excellent.

[red-dawg]

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words That every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in Touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just Love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.

We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new Shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said let’s get a pair for each outfit.
We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

[ArGee]

Every time someone on Star Trek says, “Fire at Will” I get my hopes up, but they never hit Riker.

[IYAS9YAS]

yep. RUSSIA. Suck on that ice cold popsicle of awful!

That's flippin' hilarious!

[r-q-tek86]

Ok... it's from last week so some of the references don't work anymore, but that makes this even that much more funny

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

TOP WHATEVER!!! WOOHOO!!

I couldn’t help noticing the red part of the “partitioned USA” map includes part of California, apparently San Diego and Imperial Counties (I grew up in the latter, btw). Can’t imagine why we’d want Imperial County as part of the new union as it goes Democrat pretty reliably. OTOH, it does have a lot of farmland...

[ZirconEncrustedTweezers]

Oddly enough, that seems even less appetizing than a regular Twinkie...

[Sivad]

Ping

[Old Sarge]

Kind of the same feelings I had when they said “Wesley... CRUSH HER!”

[Pride_of_the_Bluegrass]