(-:(-:(-:THE OFFICIAL FRIDAY SILLINESS THREAD:-):-):-)

[Lucky9teen]

One witch told another witch, "I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker."



Don't bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party.
He won't show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they're all transparent.

A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak.



A vampire joined the police force so he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout.

The ghost was lonely because he didn't have a ghoulfriend.

Who do they call when a demon needs a personal trainer? The exercist!

Hall o' wiener: when I decorated my foyer with sausage.

Pumpkin juice + Chardonnay = Hallow'ine?

Impossible to track down: the Wherewolf.

The vampire was known for his awful puns. They called him Count Dreckula.

 The giant sea-lizard was a bit of a practical joker. They called him Goadzilla.

We all know about the rash of unexplained deaths in the village of Sleepy Hollow.
But, as an unfortunate sidebar, to deal with all the corpses was a most incompetent funeral director,
nicknamed the Heedless Hearseman.

Hansel and Gretel must have misread the invitation – they thought they'd been asked to join the witches coven!

Do posh demons go cruising in a coupe devil?

 

Some prefer getting candy on Halloween, but two days later I like to go out and collect shoes. I call it All Soles Day.

The wandering minstrel was excited about trick-or-treating. He said, “I hear there's gonna be lute!”

My house is haunted by the ghosts of a thousand chickens. It's just like that movie, Poultrygeist.

The Irishman was visited by a ghost while making moonshine. "I can't sleep at night," the man said, "it haunts me still. " (Irish accent needed)

Mary Shelley wrote about her good friend Benjamin Franklin's obsession with German beer. She called it ‘Frank and stein'.

Where do zombies 'get down'? In the raveyard. (A good place to get tombstoned?)

You hear about the play they staged in a cemetery? It got grave reviews.

Was the TV newsman haunted by his exact double? Yes, it was a Koppelganger.

Skeletonnes are heavier than they look.

A skeleton's favourite Billy Idol song? ‘Bony Bony…'.

 

Never ask a warlock where he works: it tends to be a ‘sorce' spot.

In Canada the werewolves are obsessed with ‘hockey hairdos'. In fact they can only be killed with a silver mullet.

When demons go to university, they get to take a lot of hellectives.

[NCC-1701]

Happy Halloween.........infidels!

[ArGee]

If you tell people the rich should want to pay more in taxes, without ever contributing an extra $1 out of your own billions when you fill out your returns, you might be a democrat politician.

[llevrok]

Now you’ve done it. Here come the Foxworthy jokes.

Bring 'em on!!

[unique1]

Budget Planning Meeting....

[martin_fierro]

lulz

[ArGee]

If your idea of conducting serious foreign policy is doing an interview on Univision, you might be a democrat politician.

OK, not redneck jokes, but I’m on a roll here.

[Lucky9teen]

[llevrok]

Redneck yacht

[llevrok]

BTTT

Redneck Halloween Yard Decorations

[Disambiguator]

I’m sure that guy jumped up after he hit the ground and snarled, “I meant to do THAT!”

[Silentgypsy]

Subject: Blonde man jokes..

A friend told a blonde man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”
The blonde man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

---

Two blonde men find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asked: “What if one explodes before we get there?”
The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”

---

A woman phoned her blonde neighbor man and said: “Close your curtains the next time you & your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday.”
To which the blonde man replied: “Well the joke’s on all of you because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”

---

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the shampoo?”
He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do... it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.”

---

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
I think it’s got epilepsy,” he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, “It seems calm enough to me”.
The blonde man says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out of the bowl yet”.

---

A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope “DO NOT BEND “.
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.

---

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
“My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” asks the Doctor.
“No”, he shouts, “this is her husband!”

---

A blonde man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says “Why don’t you put an ad in the paper?”
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
“What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks.
“Here boy!” he replies.

---

A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
“Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” the blonde replies.
“It should be around your neck” says the guard.
“I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t breathe”.

---

(This one actually makes sense...lol)
An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: “Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the blonde man replies: “If they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”

[unique1]

[unique1]

I've never had this happen to me in the office or even at home...

[unique1]

Hmmmm....I suppose that that could work...

[ArGee]

If hiring government workers while businesses close down is your idea of creating jobs, you might be a democrat politician.

[Ingtar]

Shouldn’t that be, “Now give me some buccan’ candy?”

[KC_Lion]

As long as it's not one of those Sad ones with a deceptively happy tune.

[ArGee]

If you are more interested in protecting your reputation than our people overseas, you might be a democrat politician.

[Lucky9teen]

[ArGee]

Odd font on the first picture.

I thought it said “Friend’s Hip.”