#2
Go 49ers!!!
In !!!
Ping ping ping
It's time for The Official Silly Friedness Thread!
It's time for The Ofredshul Frilly Silldayness Thread!
It's time for The Offthreadshul Threadday Sillyness Fry!
It's time for The Osisshul Thriday Thrilliness Fred!
It's time for a cup of coffee!
TGIF and yay for the thread!
pong
WOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO TGIF
Whew—this morning has been hectic. Glad I finally made it in!!!
I read this back in 1993 from a piece of paper (We called ‘em, “Xerox Jokes,”) on a mechanic’s tool cart at a job I had back then:
The Deer Hunt
Saturday
1:00am. Alarm clock rings.
2:00am.Hunting partners arrive,drag you out of bed.
2:30am.Throw everything except the kitchen sink into pickup.
3:00am.Leave for the deep woods.
3:15am.Drive back home and pick up gun.
3:30am.Drive like hell to get to woods before daylight.
4:00am.Set up camp-forgot the damn tent.
4:30am.Head into woods.
5:30am. See 8 deer.
6:06am.Take aim and squeeze trigger.
6:07am.”Click”
6:08am.Load gun while watching deer go over hill.
8:00am.Head back to camp.
9:00am.Still looking for camp.
10:00am.Realize you don’t know where camp is.
NOON-Fire gun for Help-eat wild berries.
12:15pm.Ran out of bullets-8 deer came back.
12:20pm.Strange feeling in stomach.
12:30pm.Realize you ate poison berries.
12:45pm.RESCUED!!!!
12:53PM.Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped.
3:00pm.Arrived back at camp.
3:30pm.Leave camp to KILL DEER.
4:00pm.Return to camp for bullets.
4:01pm.Load gun-leave camp again.
5:00pm.Empty gun on squirrel that’s bugging you.
6:00pm.Arrive at camp-see deer grazing in camp.
6:01pm.Load gun.
6:02pm.Fire gun.
6:03pm.One dead pick up truck.
6:05pm.Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.
6:06pm.Repress strong desire to shoot partner.
6:07pm.Fall into fire.
6:10pm.Change clothes-throw burned into fire.
6:15pm.Take pickup,leave partner and his deer in woods.
6:25pm.Pickup boils over-hole shot in block.
6:26pm.Start walking.
6:30pm.Stumble and fall,drop gun in mud.
6:35pm.Meet bear.
6:36pm.Take aim.
6:37pm.Fire gun-blown up barrel-plugged with mud.
6:38pm. Shit pants.
6:39pm.Climb tree.
9:00pm.Bear departs,wrap@$*&^^@@& gun around tree.
MIDNIGHT-Home at last
SUNDAY
Watch football game on t.v. slowly tearing license into little pieces.
Place into envelope,and mail to Game Warden,with clear instructions on where to place it.
I heard Eliot Spitzer wants to know if the binders cost extra.
Comedians in Chief
- When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer “present” or “not guilty”. Teddy Roosevelt.
- One day, first Lady Eleanor Roosevelt visited a penitentiary. When FDR asked where she was, he was told, “She’s in prison.” “I’m not surprised” Roosevelt responded. “But what for?” Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
- “I don’t know whether it’s the finest public housing in America or the crown jewel of the American penal system.” Bill Clinton on the White House.
- “My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” Jimmy Carter
- “If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read “President Can’t Swim”. Lyndon Johnson
- During a state visit to Great Britain, President Ronald Reagan purportedly went horseback riding with Queen Elizabeth. At one point, one of the horses passed gas quite loudly. The queen apologized, saying, “there are some things even royalty can’t control.” Reagan replied, “I’m glad you told me, or I would have thought it was the horse.” Ronald Reagan
