Posted on 07/27/2012 5:38:33 PM PDT by mamelukesabre
Here's the scenario:
Mom and Dad come to visit. Dad is not doing so well. Dementia has set in very rapidly over the last year and he's barely functional now. You can still get meaningful dialog with him if you are patient, slow, and interrupt him when he goes off on strange tangents. But its easy to confuse him by talking fast or being even a tiny bit confrontational. Also you have to leave certain topics alone for awhile and come back later after he's had time to let it sink in. If he answers a question too soon his answer won't make sense. But if you ask it again a few minutes later he will have a sensible response.
Mom never had to make any decisions. Dad always took care of everything. Now that Dad can't do it all for her, Mom suddenly thinks she's a big boss and is bossing everyone around...even me. Problem is she's not very good at making decisions. She's 70 plus and its too late for her to learn. She makes all the wrong decisions and keeps on doing it one after another.
Here's what happened when they came to visit me
There is a wolf dog (1/4 wolf, half husky, 1/4 german shepherd) that lives about 1/8th mile from me. It gets loose from time to time because the owner doesn't give a damn. I know him and have talked to him. He thinks dog fights are just a fact of life and dogs just get loose once in awhile. I don't put up with dogs running loose. My dog gets punished when it leaves my property only by 20 feet, which is extremely rare because she gets tied up if outside for more than 5 minutes.
Anyway, my parents are visiting and my dog is outside with them. Here comes the damn wolf dog. It gets close to my property and my dog gives the warning. Growling, snarling, etc. I instantly start running to tackle my dog. The wolf dog growls back. My dog charges and makes a beeline for the wolf dog. I change directions and I bolt for my truck, grab my gun and head for the dog fight about to happen. My dog is old(about 10years)but in good health and 50 lbs and that wolf dog is well over 100 lbs and in prime condition and age. No way in hell I'm going to stand there and watch my dog get chewed into pieces and no way in hell I'm tackling a 100+ pound wolf dog bare handed.
Then guess what happens?
My idiot mother decides she's in charge and runs out to get between the dogs. She's old and weak and petite and maybe 140lbs and none of it muscle. So far the dogs are not touching each other. They are just threatening from a short distance. A standoff I guess. It's only been maybe 2 seconds though and one or the other will initiate an attack at any moment. I know my dog. She has a very bad temper and attacks strange dogs on her turf if given a chance. As I sprint passed my mother I rack the slide on my handgun to make sure I got a round in the chamber and turn on the laser sights...and then my mother starts screaming at me.
"don't you dare shoot your dog, she's a good dog!" and tries to grab my arm.
At this point I decide my mother is just about as senile as my poor old dad, except at least my dad knows he's senile and shuts his mouth when he doesn't know what is going on around him.
A neighbor saw the whole commotion same time I did and he was sprinting towards the dogs yelling and waiving his hands and threw a big rock at the wolf dog...hit it real good too. He's about 6'6 and has long arms to really get a rock moving good. The wolf dog spun around and yelped. My dog lunged. The wolf dog dodged the lunge without even trying but decided rocks plus 3 crazy screaming humans running at it was too much. It took off running. My dog took off after it. The wolf dog was fast and was gone in a flash. The neighbor and I chased down my dog. The neighbor was faster than I and brought my dog back to me. He and my dog know each other very well and get along great.
But then the arguing started when I got back to my lunatic mother. Bad arguing. I know I shouldn't be reacting like this to a little old lady that happens to be my mother but i can't stand her anymore. She is a complete arrogant fool ever since she started being the boss. I'm sick of watching her bully my dad over stupid meaningless issues. I'm actually contemplating moving in with them and getting power of attorney. Or maybe buying a new house and making them move in with me. My dad wouldn't like leaving his home though. They are both nuts. But I have my own life to live and I don't want to sacrifice it just yet.
I know what is making my mom nuts. It is not being taken care of anymore. She isn't handling being the boss so good. She isn't cut out for it.
Don’t know if this will help or not but........I had the Mom from Hell. She treated my stepdad like garbage til the day he died from CHF. When he was so sick he couldn’t walk she would snarl at him. She always treated everyone else in the family bad but treated me the worst.
She got cancer right after my stepdad died and had noone to help her but me. My brother disliked her so much he stayed away. When she was getting to the point where she couldn’t walk anymore I was diagnosed with breast cancer and started chemotherapy. She didn’t want me to do chemotherapy because I would be too sick to take care of her. She never would sign a power of attorney or anything else so life was hell. She made all the decisions and I paid the price. The only thing that kept me from walking away was that she had no one else. My daughter helped with her because I was sick but we were it. She died with no one caring except the immediate family.
The moral is I had no guilt. I did everything I could for her in spite of her. My brother was wracked with guilt once she was gone.
Don’t know if it helps but there is my sorry. I wish you luck.
That was harsh.
No assvice here, just sympathy!! I’m glad you, your dog & your mom (and your nice neighbor) are all okay.
The only possibly (I reiterate, possibly!) useful thought I have is that maybe your mom’s problem behavior is also stemming from a pathology. Have you had her evaluated?
Good luck!!
the only way to get power of attorney is go to court and have her declared incompetant...
Thanks!
Maria
He's gone now, though, and she's getting older (but still, for now, smarter than I and my two sisters put together are!).
I'm doing my best to give her the life she deserves after serving him like a slave for fifty-some years. One of my sisters is on her side, but the other is scared to death she's going to spend all her money before she dies, and fights us every step of the way.
I assume you're not like that sister. You love your mom and your dad, so make these years the best they can be for them.
These -- both of them -- are the folks who changed your dirty diapers and taught you to walk, and somehow managed not to beat you to death when you were a typical two- or three- or four-year-old.
I have a granddaughter now, my mother's ninth great-grandchild. That little girl is almost as wonderful a blessing to me as my daughter who bore her. It makes me think about these things.
Do you ever think about what a blessing you were to your mom when you were born? Give the lady a break; you've given her a hard time for most of her life, as we all have!
If she needs help with your dad, come up with a good way you can do it and make her think it's all her plan!
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