Posted on 06/30/2012 8:05:22 PM PDT by Marie
Ten years ago my family adopted a stray, adult male cat from our local shelter. He took to me immediately, but would barely tolerate my kids. He flat-out hated my husband on sight and that never changed. He did form an uneasy truce with our dog. They basically agree to ignore each other.
He's at least 12 now and the years have not been good for him.
He's always been terribly nervous. He over-grooms to the point of self mutilation and there are months where his belly is completely bald. He spends his time under the bed. He moves through the house with his tail low, darting from safe-haven to safe-haven. He's the only animal I've ever had that refuses treats. He only eats dry kibble. And, in the summer he'll refuse to eat even that and go down to skin and bones.
He's flea free and well taken care of. The vet has never found anything physically wrong with him. Nothing has worked to make him happy except one thing.
Being alone with me. When the house is quiet and empty, he's a different animal. He's affectionate and playful. Relaxed. He's been a true comfort to me when my husband has been deployed. He and I have our daily rituals. We are true friends. I think that, had the two of us been tucked into a cabin the woods for all these years, he'd have been fine.
But now we're moving and we can't take him with us. My daughter had planned to take him for me, but now things have changed.
The disruption in the house has driven him mad. He's defecating all over the house for the first time. He's scratched his own throat terribly and I've just discovered that the wound is infected.
In the evening, for just an hour or so, he crawls into my lap for comfort. He relaxes and purrs and behaves like a happy, normal cat.
And then he's off again. Running and hiding from imaginary bad guys. Ripping out his hair and scratching himself bloody.
I've never had a problem putting down a sick animal. I know that there comes a point to let them go.
But he's not dying! He's just miserable and crazy. I know that, if he goes with my daughter's new family, he's going to be insane and drive her insane with the random pooping.
I don't think that it's fair to ask her to put up with this. She is buying her first house. And I don't think that it's fair to keep him in this miserable state.
But then we have that hour or so where he's a normal, happy cat and I don't think I can go through with Monday's euthanasia.
When is it time to let a crazy cat go?
Looks like the cat had been a real comfort to you over the years and is now suffering from anxiety.
Just as people take some anti-anxiety medication, ask your vet to see if there is something like that for your cat. I think they have things like that.
The poor cat senses that you are going to leave him behind and since you and he have that special bond, he is devastated.
Maybe he would calm down with some minimum meds and if you did take him with you.
He probably won’t live a real long time, but I think you will always feel guilty, if you put him down, considering that he was there for your for years and kept you from feeling lonely.
God bless you and give you wisdom and compassion to deal with this.
It is hard.
I'm generally ok with neruotic catz. I have 2.
But they are catz. At some point, like house fires, you open the doors and they are on their own.
Your guy sounds like my Sky, except he has mellowed over the years.
Still freaks out if I stand up around him, but my right arm won't be cat free in bed until after he passes on.
Again. Prayers up. I don't know what I will do when Sky is gone.
/johnny
You know what needs to be done. I had to do the same to my cat earlier this year. I loved that silly cat. He was 13 and had developed a condition that was certain death. I would have waited but he was having trouble getting to the box. And man was he fragrant.
You might try a no kill pound if you can find one that will take him, but it doesn't sound like he'd enjoy his time there much.
I’m with those advocating at least trying drugs for the cat. Just make sure your daughter is capable of delivering a pill to a cat. It takes practice....and courage, but it can be done routinely. I gave my cat 6 pills a day when he had a broken leg.
You clearly are not ready to put him down yet. Give it one more try.
Les hommes ont oublié cette vérité, dit le renard. Mais tu ne dois pas l’oublier. Tu deviens responsable pour toujours de ce que tu as apprivoisé.
“Men have forgotten this truth,” said the fox. “But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”
Chapter XXI
The Little Prince
Had the same - cat finally mellowed out when he got rather old. Wonderful mouser. You just had to learn that he was his own cat and to leave him be.
Should be in a quiet one-woman and no other animal home. Might have hearing sensitivity to male and child voices.
Kept in confined area - tiled bathroom for a few days - before being allowed to visit rest of new home.
Meds a must. kind of late to get all this arranged.
I am in complete agreement (and love that book!)
Keep in mind that he's been there for you for ten years as you've been there for him. I had a Persian like that. He only liked me, couldn't stand my wife and she would hide in a closet (the cat not my wife) during the day but at night, she'd climb up and sleep on my chest purring contentedly; I really miss that kitteh.
I'm not trying to guilt you into keeping the little guy but you've been together so long. I've had to put down many animals that the vets just couldn't save and it was torture each time.
Putting this little kitteh down because it's not convenient is wrong and it's bad karma. Either find a way to keep him, let your daughter take him or find a shelter that takes in kittehs for life if they don't find homes. Keep in mind that with the way you describe his personality, he might never get adopted but if you choose the right shelter, they keep him as long as he lives and feed him, give him affection and give him a life.
Please consider finding a way to take him with you, there's a bond of trust between you two and I guarantee you will feel miserable and guilty and you can't take it back.
If your daughter volunteers to take him, she knows what she's getting into and after a while, the kitteh will get used to the new routine.
Good luck, I think God gives us cats and dogs so we can see what unconditional love is all about. How many times have you been down and then the kitteh gives you a head bonk or the dog greets you enthusiastically when you come home? Just as God has unconditional love for us, so do cats and dogs and I don't think that's an accident. I've never met a human who was capable of unconditional love but I've seen it in every cat or dog I've had the pleasure of having.
“But he’s not dying! He’s just miserable and crazy.”
I hear ya. Have one like that. Mine is 15. About 6 mos. ago, when I got sick and had to move to get medical care, I left him with an X relative who moved in an obese girlfriend and didn’t feed the cat. He got free rent for it. Guess she ate the cat food too! This has NEVER been a nice cat...likes to spray EVERYTHING and spends all day crying at the door to get in and is always underfoot and hungry. Then throws up most of his food...always has. When I came back to rescue him, he was bones and sores. He wanted to sleep in the litter box!
I struggled just like you are about putting him down. THEN he got better. Now he’s fat, healthy, has a little more sense. I think he’s going to outlive me! He’s very social,unlike your kitty. It’s amazing the lengths we go to because of these critters. I bought another place, but I have to live in the old one because I can’t have this stupid cat in the new one!!! DUMB.
Have you tried drugging him so he just doesn’t care? Sounds like it’s time.
If your daughter is single, maybe there is a good relationship there or maybe medicine. My last cat lived to be 19.
As my vet would be the first to tell you, sometimes the kindest thing you can do is put them to sleep! They are no longer miserable and unhappy! It’s hard to do but sometimes it really is the best thing for you and the animal. God will give you strength for tomorrow!
Just noticed you already have the euthanesia planned for Monday:
“But then we have that hour or so where he’s a normal, happy cat and I don’t think I can go through with Monday’s euthanasia.”
Please do not go through with it, not just for the cat’s sake, but for yours. I think you would always regret it.
Try some anti-anxiety meds, as others and I suggested. Also, you say you are moving into an apartment, try to take the cat with you, they may allow it, knowing that it may only be for a few months — he may only have a few months or a year to live, let him be happy living with you and you will always be content that you made the difficult, but right decision.
Oh, I’m so sorry for you and your kitty. I don’t know what I’d do.
You mentioned you can’t take him with you when you move - is it because he’s going outside of the litter box? Have you changed the type of litter or moved his box from his usual place?
As for the over-grooming, my cat started licking her belly down to the skin right before she was diagnosed with diabetes, so maybe there’s a problem he needs help with. Here’s some info on some of the causes of over-grooming:
http://cats.about.com/od/behaviortraining/a/catover-grooming.htm
I feel for you, being a fervent cat lover myself (dogs too, for that matter.) And I know you aren’t ready to hear this, but your cat IS sick, if this is the pathological life it’s leading. Illness doesn’t necessarily mean physical.
You sound compassionate enough to do the right thing, whatever you decide that is.
There are many worse things in the world than letting go of an animal who’s suffering. Sounds like you’ve given him a good home and lots of love...maybe it’s time to let him be free of agony.
Honestly, I’d rather see an animal put down humanely than suffer, under any circumstances.
Thanks for being such a great cat mom. So many others wouldn’t have given this guy a chance.
We had a neurotic cat when I was in high school. The cat was down right destructive. My mother finally decided to take the cat to the SPCA and when she got about a mile from the house, the cat jumped out the window of the moving car. My mother thought, good, that’s over with and turned around and came home. Two weeks later the neurotic cat showed up back at the door, wanting to come in.
We had a neurotic cat when I was in high school. The cat was down right destructive. My mother finally decided to take the cat to the SPCA and when she got about a mile from the house, the cat jumped out the window of the moving car. My mother thought, good, that’s over with and turned around and came home. Two weeks later the neurotic cat showed up back at the door, wanting to come in.
Maybe you should try a different vet. Perhaps the cat’s behavior is generated by some sort of physical ailment or parasite infection.
wasnt trying to be rude.
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