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Posted on 06/29/2012 5:54:09 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
This chap and his wife loved Budgerigars and they went to a pet shop and bought one. They bought a cage and some seed and took it home. They filled the seed bowl and the baby budgie hopped onto the rim and in one suck swallowed the lot. It then swelled to twice its size.
They refilled the bowl and it swallowed that in one enormous suck. It then swelled to twice its size. Every time they filled the bowl the bird just hopped onto the rim and with one suck emptied it and then immediately grew to twice its size.
Well the couple thought that this was a laugh, until the second day when they placed a large bowl in the cage and filled it with a whole box of seed, and the Budgie just sucked the lot up in one enormous swallow and then grew to twice its size and showed that it could also talk. It bellowed in a stentorian voice.... “More Seed! More Seed! More Seed!” and kept it up making all the windows shake and the crockery rattle.
It kept it up till the bowl was filled and just as fast emptied the bowl and then started on the shout for .... “More Seed! More Seed” More Seed!” After a day and a night the couple realized that it was an all day and all night job, and very expensive, because the bird was gobbling seed faster than they were earning the money to buy it.
They went back to the Pet Shop and told the Shopkeeper what had happened. He immediately said, “No, No, You cannot return it!”
The man said, “We don’t want to return it, cause we love the thing, but what can we do - it is so big that it is out of its cage and fills the sitting room and just keeps demanding... “More Seed! More Seed! More Seed!” The shopkeeper said, “This is an abnormal bird known in Budgie Circles as a Rarey Bird because they are mutants and they just eat and eat and get bigger and bigger and live for years and years. You have got a problem because you cannot kill them. Bullets just go into them and they digest the lead and just get bigger. Poison the same. They are too big to strangle or to stab or beat to death, and so you just have to live with it!”
The man said, “But we just cannot go on like this we are exhausted feeding it and working to feed it!” The Shopkeeper said, “Yeah I know - that is why we NEVER ever take Rarey Birds back - they are a real problem. The only way to kill them is to drop them from a great height. Like from an aeroplane, cause they are too big to fly and the smash into the ground kills them instantly as they are so heavy! The trouble is that by the time you find out what they are it is too late, they are too heavy to get up in a plane. You will just have to buy all of my seed and put up with it!”
The couple put up with it for another week and by this time they had got even fonder than ever of the Budgie. They even called it Rarey and it answered to its name by shouting.... “More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY!” They sold the car, they sold the washing machine, they sold the fridge, they sold the furniture, they sold the garden shed, they sold the lawn mower - they became so poor that eventually they couldn’t even afford another packet of seed.
The man said, “We are going to have to kill RAREY! We still have the wheelbarrow and two planks and we will have to struggle up to the top of the mountain and tip it over the precipice and let it smash down to the ground. Well the wife cried and so did the man, but it was inevitable and so they laid the two planks on the wheelbarrow and using long poles as fulcrums finally got the Rarey Bird onto the planks where it immediately started to shout, “More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY!”
I will brush over the terrible journey they had to get the RAREY BIRD to the top of the mountain, suffice it to say that they had to hitch pulleys to trees and pull it up to each tree and then start all over again - and all of the time there was this stentorian bellowing from the bird... “More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY!”
Well affection for pets has to stop somewhere and I am sorry to recount that by the time they finally struggled to the top of the mountain they were actually looking forward to shutting the poor things beak forever. They just had one final hurdle to overcome. How could they tip the wheelbarrow, two planks and the RAREY BIRD high enough so that the bird went over the precipice? They finally solved this by using the same ploy that the Ancient Britons used to build Stonehenge.... They jacked up the rear of the wheelbarrow and placed stones and earth under the legs. They repeated this until the wheelbarrow, planks and the RAREY BIRD were tilted at an angle so acute that the slightest push would tip it all over the precipice.
The couple walked around the wheelbarrow to the edge of the precipice and stood looking down. The man said, “Wow, some drop - that must be at least 2000 feet from the edge to the ground below.! They stood there in silence for a moment and then became aware that the RAREY BIRD was no longer shouting, “More Seed for RAREY!”, but was singing. They had never heard it sing before and stood quietly listening. The Bird was singing....
“Oh, it’s a long way to Tip a Rarey; it’s a long way to go!”
Is that Obama’s marching band? Bunch of pigs....
The bookie slowly counted out the money into the old lady’s wrinkled hands. “Lady,” he said, “I just don’t understand. However did you manage to pick the winner?”
The old lady patted her white locks in place. She looked a little bewildered. “Really,” she said, “I don’t know myself. I just stick a pin in the paper and, well, there it is.”
The bookie took a deep breath. “That’s all very well, lady,” he cried. “But how on earth did you manage to pick four winners yesterday afternoon?”
“Oh,” replied the old lady, “that was easy. I used a fork.”
Long ago in China, Mr. Chan had a collection of teak figurines. Someone was stealing them, one at a time. The only clue were human footprints in the mud outside his window. The following night Chan waited in the dark, and caught a young bear breaking into his antique room. However the bear had human feet that left little-boy sized footprints! Mr. Chan finally caught the boy-foot bear with teak of Chan.
Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Ford Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a daring and otherwise brilliant crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels.
“Yeah,” said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, “that wasn’t very nice of her to do.”
“You’re darn right it wasn’t,” Sarah said. “And they were the two best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation.”
A tramp was walking along a London street when he picked up a copy of the Evening Standard. And there he read a small advertisement which said, Lost shaggy dog. Distraught millionaire offers £1m reward for return of said mutt. Easily identified. You will never have seen a shaggier dog. 100 Cheyne Walk, London, SW10.
At that precise moment a dog walked by. It was the shaggiest dog the tramp had ever seen, and it was by itself. Without hesitation, the tramp apprehended the dog and went straight to Cheyne Walk.
I am so sorry, sir, said the lady who answered the door, but that is an old advertisement. Mr Linebacker has left for Montevideo.
So the tramp and the dog stowed away on a ship, got off at Montevideo, and went straight to the Linebacker address. Oh, so sorry, said the maid who answered the door. Hes on holiday in Sydney. Without a word, the man and the extraordinarily shaggy dog ran to the harbour and stowed away on a second ship, bound for Australia.
Alas, they missed the millionaire there, too. The butler who opened the door said, It is my duty to inform you that Mr Linebacker has returned to London to count his millions.
So, the tramp and the fantastically shaggy dog returned to 100 Cheyne Walk.
They were immediately ushered in to the presence of the great man, Mr Ebenezer Linebacker The Third.
Have you got my shaggy dog, the shaggiest in the world?! he cried. I swore Id pay a million pounds for his safe return, and that, indeed, I shall.
Triumphantly, the tramp revealed the dog. Here, sir, he cried, is your dog! The shaggiest in the world!!
Mr Linebacker looked at the dog and said, Oh, no! Thats not my dog. Hes nowhere near as shaggy as that!
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re #47
So true!!
((hugs my FRiend)
LOL — That does explain ACA.
You Are 88% Capitalist, 12% Socialist |
You believe that business makes the world great... And you'd never be ashamed of being rich! |
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