This chap and his wife loved Budgerigars and they went to a pet shop and bought one. They bought a cage and some seed and took it home. They filled the seed bowl and the baby budgie hopped onto the rim and in one suck swallowed the lot. It then swelled to twice its size.
They refilled the bowl and it swallowed that in one enormous suck. It then swelled to twice its size. Every time they filled the bowl the bird just hopped onto the rim and with one suck emptied it and then immediately grew to twice its size.
Well the couple thought that this was a laugh, until the second day when they placed a large bowl in the cage and filled it with a whole box of seed, and the Budgie just sucked the lot up in one enormous swallow and then grew to twice its size and showed that it could also talk. It bellowed in a stentorian voice.... “More Seed! More Seed! More Seed!” and kept it up making all the windows shake and the crockery rattle.
It kept it up till the bowl was filled and just as fast emptied the bowl and then started on the shout for .... “More Seed! More Seed” More Seed!” After a day and a night the couple realized that it was an all day and all night job, and very expensive, because the bird was gobbling seed faster than they were earning the money to buy it.
They went back to the Pet Shop and told the Shopkeeper what had happened. He immediately said, “No, No, You cannot return it!”
The man said, “We don’t want to return it, cause we love the thing, but what can we do - it is so big that it is out of its cage and fills the sitting room and just keeps demanding... “More Seed! More Seed! More Seed!” The shopkeeper said, “This is an abnormal bird known in Budgie Circles as a Rarey Bird because they are mutants and they just eat and eat and get bigger and bigger and live for years and years. You have got a problem because you cannot kill them. Bullets just go into them and they digest the lead and just get bigger. Poison the same. They are too big to strangle or to stab or beat to death, and so you just have to live with it!”
The man said, “But we just cannot go on like this we are exhausted feeding it and working to feed it!” The Shopkeeper said, “Yeah I know - that is why we NEVER ever take Rarey Birds back - they are a real problem. The only way to kill them is to drop them from a great height. Like from an aeroplane, cause they are too big to fly and the smash into the ground kills them instantly as they are so heavy! The trouble is that by the time you find out what they are it is too late, they are too heavy to get up in a plane. You will just have to buy all of my seed and put up with it!”
The couple put up with it for another week and by this time they had got even fonder than ever of the Budgie. They even called it Rarey and it answered to its name by shouting.... “More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY!” They sold the car, they sold the washing machine, they sold the fridge, they sold the furniture, they sold the garden shed, they sold the lawn mower - they became so poor that eventually they couldn’t even afford another packet of seed.
The man said, “We are going to have to kill RAREY! We still have the wheelbarrow and two planks and we will have to struggle up to the top of the mountain and tip it over the precipice and let it smash down to the ground. Well the wife cried and so did the man, but it was inevitable and so they laid the two planks on the wheelbarrow and using long poles as fulcrums finally got the Rarey Bird onto the planks where it immediately started to shout, “More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY!”
I will brush over the terrible journey they had to get the RAREY BIRD to the top of the mountain, suffice it to say that they had to hitch pulleys to trees and pull it up to each tree and then start all over again - and all of the time there was this stentorian bellowing from the bird... “More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY! More Seed for RAREY!”
Well affection for pets has to stop somewhere and I am sorry to recount that by the time they finally struggled to the top of the mountain they were actually looking forward to shutting the poor things beak forever. They just had one final hurdle to overcome. How could they tip the wheelbarrow, two planks and the RAREY BIRD high enough so that the bird went over the precipice? They finally solved this by using the same ploy that the Ancient Britons used to build Stonehenge.... They jacked up the rear of the wheelbarrow and placed stones and earth under the legs. They repeated this until the wheelbarrow, planks and the RAREY BIRD were tilted at an angle so acute that the slightest push would tip it all over the precipice.
The couple walked around the wheelbarrow to the edge of the precipice and stood looking down. The man said, “Wow, some drop - that must be at least 2000 feet from the edge to the ground below.! They stood there in silence for a moment and then became aware that the RAREY BIRD was no longer shouting, “More Seed for RAREY!”, but was singing. They had never heard it sing before and stood quietly listening. The Bird was singing....
“Oh, it’s a long way to Tip a Rarey; it’s a long way to go!”
Long ago in China, Mr. Chan had a collection of teak figurines. Someone was stealing them, one at a time. The only clue were human footprints in the mud outside his window. The following night Chan waited in the dark, and caught a young bear breaking into his antique room. However the bear had human feet that left little-boy sized footprints! Mr. Chan finally caught the boy-foot bear with teak of Chan.