Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
bad puns:
What’s the difference between a TV station van and the car Ted K drove at Chappaquiddick? One’s a newsmobile, one’s an
Oldsmobile.
A married man was having an affair with a woman named Joyce. He did still kinda love his wife though and wondered, “Should I be pro-wife or pro-Joyce?”
jokes from my elderly Dad:
A teacher was telling her students it was time for the class photo. Some kids weren’t too crazy about it. “Oh, years from now you can look back at it and say here’s so and so,
who’s now a lawyer. Here’s so and so, who now owns a restaurant.” One kid said, “Yeah, and we can say here’s
Teacher...and now she’s dead.”
So they take the class picture and they noticed one Italian-American kid whose mouth seems to be making an “O” shape.
“Why did you do that?”—”They said, ‘say cheese’ and I said ‘provolone’.”