bad puns:
What’s the difference between a TV station van and the car Ted K drove at Chappaquiddick? One’s a newsmobile, one’s an
Oldsmobile.
A married man was having an affair with a woman named Joyce. He did still kinda love his wife though and wondered, “Should I be pro-wife or pro-Joyce?”
jokes from my elderly Dad:
A teacher was telling her students it was time for the class photo. Some kids weren’t too crazy about it. “Oh, years from now you can look back at it and say here’s so and so,
who’s now a lawyer. Here’s so and so, who now owns a restaurant.” One kid said, “Yeah, and we can say here’s
Teacher...and now she’s dead.”
So they take the class picture and they noticed one Italian-American kid whose mouth seems to be making an “O” shape.
“Why did you do that?”—”They said, ‘say cheese’ and I said ‘provolone’.”
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it’s just kiln time.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.