A friend of mine years ago fell, straddling a plank bleacher seat.
His “boys”swelled .he said, to a little larger than Oranges. He had ice packs on for a week.
While in the hospital, for two weeks, nurses that weren;t even assigned to him or his floor came by to”check” his progress.
I also had another pal that had the differential in his rail/dragster explode and it delayed his wedding. Dragsters, in the 1950 the driver sat over the differential.
I think I may start a business sellling armored codpieces.
Your post made me cringe...twice. I’m glad I am not buddies with you. Your friends have a tendency for excruciatingly painful accidents.