Meet the Marriage Killer (Nagging)

Wall Street Journal ^ | 01/25/2012 | ELIZABETH BERNSTEIN

[Responsibility2nd]

It's More Common Than Adultery and Potentially As Toxic, So Why Is It So Hard to Stop Nagging?

Ken Mac Dougall bit into the sandwich his wife had packed him for lunch and noticed something odd—a Post-it note tucked between the ham and the cheese. He pulled it out of his mouth, smoothed the crinkles and read what his wife had written: "Be in aisle 10 of Home Depot tonight at 6 p.m."

Mr. Mac Dougall was renovating the couple's Oak Ridge, N.J., kitchen, and his wife had been urging him to pick out the floor tiles. He felt he had plenty of time to do this task. She felt unheard.

"I thought the note was an ingenious and hysterical way to get his attention," says his wife, Janet Pfeiffer (whose occupation, interestingly enough, is a motivational speaker), recalling the incident which occurred several years ago. Her husband, a technician at a company that modifies vehicles for handicapped drivers, didn't really see it that way. "I don't need a reminder in the middle of my sandwich," he says.

~snip~

Why do we nag? "We have a perception that we won't get what we want from the other person, so we feel we need to keep asking in order to get it," says Scott Wetzler, a psychologist and vice chairman of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Montefiore Medical Center in New York. It is a vicious circle: The naggee tires of the badgering and starts to withhold, which makes the nagger nag more.

[stylecouncilor]

LOL.

[chris_bdba]

ROFLOL That is what I figure my hubby would’ve thought if I left that same message.

[utahagen]

I figured out a long time ago that nagging is unproductive and usually makes the nagger the bad guy when, in reality, the naggee is the one who isn't doing what he/she is supposed to. So, here's an example of how I avoid nagging: I asked my sister to take a bunch of photos of her house — why I wanted them is irrelevant — and she agreed. I reviewed with her what exactly I wanted and asked if she could get them to me within a month. She said, “Yes.” I then said I would send her an email reminder one week before the one month mark — unless I received them before that, obviously — but would do nothing besides that. She said that would work. I sent the one email, as promised, and she sent me the photos at the one month mark. Had she never sent me the photos, I would have driven three hours to her house and arrived unannounced and taken the photos myself. (I'm not kidding.) I don't nag people or fight with people anymore. They other do what I ask without a fuss or I do it myself.

[Responsibility2nd]

Ken Mac Dougall bit into the sandwich his wife had packed him for lunch and noticed something odd—a Post-it note tucked between the ham and the cheese. He pulled it out of his mouth, smoothed the crinkles and read what his wife had written: "Be in aisle 10 of Home Depot tonight at 6 p.m."

Mr. Mac Dougall was renovating the couple's Oak Ridge, N.J., kitchen, and his wife had been urging him to pick out the floor tiles. He felt he had plenty of time to do this task. She felt unheard.

"I thought the note was an ingenious and hysterical way to get his attention," says his wife, Janet Pfeiffer

 

 

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You wanna know a reason why this marriage is in trouble? Look at how her last name is not the same as his. I'm guessing they also have separate checking acccounts too.

[Nervous Tick]

ROFL! Thanks for the reminder — that was one funny South Park episode!

[cuban leaf]

Did you hear the one about wheel of fortune where the letters Clam _iggers were exposed and the guy who had just spun asked for an “N”? Apparently it’s actually true.

YIKES!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrULinn3iU0

Stuned silence... ;)

[momtothree]

“Any naggers out there?”

Of course, there are naggers here. We wouldn’t have to nag if you told us once in a while we were pretty. Would one little compliment once in a blue moon really hurt you, Responsibility2nd?! But NOOOOO, all you do is post and freep, post and freep. What about our feelings? Don’t we matter to YOU? Don’t you walk away from me when I’m talking to you! (sorry, R2nd... hubby is on a business trip and I have to keep up my skills!)

[cuban leaf]

I get notes from my wife. They are either along the lines of “I love you” to , uh, promises...

[Persevero]

“So he nags me.”

So true, I am tired of it being implied that it is ONLY women who nag.

Apparently my husband is in the mood for a pumpkin pie. Pie takes a while and makes a mess. I’ll make it, but not on short order. I already bought the pumpkin.

He said something, like, three days ago. Duly noted.

Yesterday at the store, without being asked, I picked up some rocky road ice cream (his favorite, I don’t even eat it). I told him at dinner I’d bought it; he complained after dinner there was nothing for dessert; I reminded him I’d bought his fave ice cream; he said he wanted pie; he later told his daughter to make some (she begged off, she is sick), he had me bring him some ice cream, complained it wasn’t pie, make loud comments about how there wasn’t any pie and he’d asked ‘weeks ago;’ and the last thing he said before he went to bed was, there wasn’t any pie. And he wasn’t joking.

This behavior not inspire me to make pie. I will do it, but it takes the joy out of it for me.

[cuban leaf]

—Give him all the sex he wants and he will remember to do stuff on his own.—

Being in my second long term marriage, and there was a huge difference in that department, I can tell you she is EXACTLY right.

[goodnesswins]

I have gotten that way also....esp with my husband...if something needs to be done...I need to set a completion date for him...then, if it isn’t done...I get it done. Sometimes there’s a FINE involved....(money talks) Course, he needs to do the same for me...on some things....hahahaha.

[goodnesswins]

I have gotten that way also....esp with my husband...if something needs to be done...I need to set a completion date for him...then, if it isn’t done...I get it done. Sometimes there’s a FINE involved....(money talks) Course, he needs to do the same for me...on some things....hahahaha.

[Jack Hydrazine]

“Be in aisle 10 of Home Depot tonight at 6 p.m.”

“I would have taken this as a racy invitation for sex, although the location would have puzzled me....”

If it was the Lawn and Garden department we’d know somebody’s lawn is getting fertilized!

[cuban leaf]

Sorry. I’m way too into chick films. Here you go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qGMaRb4Z2OI

You only see her holding it, but she was devastated that he let their “love fern” die.

[Responsibility2nd]

No apologies necessary there, mom.

You are pretty. You are beautiful. I’m more in love with you than ever before.

Now, where’s my clean underwear?

(to be directed to Mrs. R2.)

((On second thought, better not))

[cuban leaf]

Our motto: Foreplay begins when we wake up, and ends when we, uh,...a little while before we go to sleep.

[Grunthor]

lol

[cuban leaf]

Men DO NOT nag.

We “remind”. ;-)

[momtothree]

LOL!! I’m sure Mrs. R2 would say, “They are clean, folded and in the basket two feet away from your underwear drawer!!” (mumbling... like it would kill him to put it away himself)

[momtothree]

Very true, Cuban leaf!!